After contacting me for “success coaching,” Susan and I discovered the thinking and belief patterns (common for many advisors) that were the foundation of her stress. The “culprit” was not the demands of her job, but her belief system and the self-talk in which she engaged when facing each challenging situation.
Susan’s Long Held, Stress-PRODUCING Beliefs
• I need to be liked, and respected by every client.
• To be respected by my clients, I need to have an answer for every question and concern, on the spot.
• Ultimately, I will never have control over my personal happiness and stress levels.
• When things go wrong in my career, it’s normal to worry excessively, even about things I can’t change.
• I am a product of my genetics and upbringing and since my father is the same way and he suffers from stress on his job, I will always be the same.
• There is a right and wrong way to deal with any issue that comes up in my advising role and it’s catastrophic if I can’t find the right way when issues come up.
Each of these beliefs is irrational, dysfunctional and not based on fact. After working with Susan for only three sessions, she began to recognize whenever she engaged in such beliefs and immediately reframed them to healthy, more rational thoughts, such as the following:
Susan’s New Stress-REDUCING Beliefs
• It would be nice to be liked and respected by every client, but that is unrealistic and out of my control.
• My competence and self-esteem is based on all of my education and experience, not on having to have an answer, on the spot, to any question asked of me.
• I have learned how to exercise great control over my own happiness and stress. Stress is determined internally, by my self-talk, which I can control.
• Excessive worrying is counter-productive to my happiness and well-being. I now know several techniques to employ whenever I catch myself worrying.
• While genetics and past experience can influence my behavior, I can learn to modify a great deal of my thinking and I will practice those techniques. People certainly can and do change.
• There are many ways to “skin a cat.” Rarely is there only a right and a wrong way. I am learning to be flexible in dealing with the challenges my job presents and patient until I discover the best solution for each challenge. I never panic if I don’t have a solution immediately.
Once Susan practiced these new forms of self-talk, her stress level significantly reduced, and she found joy and happiness in her career. She has now been working in the same firm for ten years, looks at each week as full of opportunities and she has even been promoted!
Action Plan:
• Make a comprehensive list of the most stressful situations you face on your job.
• Write down what your thoughts are about each situation and be honest with yourself.
• Review the list of stress-producing belief patterns and discover which ones resonate with you.
• Change your self-talk and counter each belief pattern, using the examples from Susan’s new series of beliefs.
Dr. Jack Singer is a professional psychologist, speaker and a success coach for select financial advisors. He is the author of “The Financial Advisor’s Ultimate Stress Mastery Guide,” which can be ordered in the FA Mag Bookstore. To learn more about Dr. Jack’s keynote speaking and exclusive success coaching services for financial advisors and his unique, referral-generating program for your next Client Appreciation Event, contact Jack at [email protected], call him at 1-800-497-9880 and read more at http://www.funspeaker.com.