A lack of soft skills could cost advisors revenues today, but in the future, it could cost them their practice.

Advisors are often encouraged to view life transitions like a death in a client’s family as business opportunities -- but they must  also consider the emotional consequences of grieving if they are to offer clients holistic planning services.

“People want an advisor that’s good at these skills,” says Amy Florian, founder and CEO of Corgenius. “Clients figure advisors are going to be good at the finances, but what are really looking for is someone who also understands them and can walk them through life’s transition like a person, not a number in a portfolio.”

While today’s financial industry excels at managing the financial implications of events like marriage, divorce, education, business mergers and sales, and death, it still often falls behind in the “soft skills” that help someone emotionally navigate transitions.

Florian says that industry participants only take the first step in serving their clients in transition by making sure the financial framework -- items like insurance, an estate plan, trusts, educational savings, long-term health care plans -- is in place. To fully serve client transitions, advisors need to learn how to communicate around emotions like grief, loss, joy, fear and guilt.

“Advisors fall short because they concentrate too much on that financial part,” Florian says. “Diving into business and finances after a client’s family member has died just because that’s all you know how to do isn’t really serving the client. It’s not what they need at that moment. That client needs grief support.”

Florian is a thanatologist, an expert in the study of death, grief, and transition  particularly the psychological, cognitive, cultural and emotional effects of death and loss, she holds a Fellow in Thanatology from the Association of Death Education and Counseling in addition to a master's degree in pastoral studies from Loyola University, Chicago.  Her firm, Corgenius, is a professional training organization that teaches skills to better serve clients and colleagues in grief and transition.

Florian says that grief support starts with communications skills -- telephone and office etiquette, for example, and asking questions that invite the client to tell their story.

Asking the right questions can help advisors determine the right time to proceed with addressing a client’s financial needs, says Florian.

“After a death, there are some things that have to happen on a certain time frame, and advisors can say to clients ‘these things need to happen on a schedule, and I’ve got your back,” Florian says. “There are other steps, like portfolio readjustments or selling a house, that don’t absolutely have to happen immediately, and they probably shouldn’t.”

Florian cites guidance from neuroscientific research and from Finra that states that investors should not be pushed to make financial decisions while they are emotionally fragile and dealing with a recent transition. It is unwise because when clients experience loss and grief, the brain gets flooded with the hormone cortisol, which regulates the  body’s stress response.

“A little bit of cortisol gets you up in the morning, but a lot takes away the higher level of rational thinking skill,” Florian says. “In extreme cases, it can push you down to survival-level thinking where you’re dealing with things on a moment-to-moment basis. In that state, someone might think they’re making rational decisions, but later on they’ll find that they regret the things they’ve done. It’s not a fault, it’s a physiological fact. They’re not ready to make those decisions yet.”

Financial firms should be ready for client calls after a transition, says Florian.

“This starts with the call informing the advisor of a transition,” Florian says. “Instead of talking about you or your reaction, always start by asking what happened, or how they found out, or what it’s like for them right now. In almost every case, they’re going to need to be able to tell their story, so give them space and permission to talk to you.” Later, asking the right questions can help advisors to determine the right time to proceed with addressing a client’s needs.

Such a person is incapable of considering the implications, the financial advantages and the potential drawbacks to a decision, says Florian. So advisors must learn to wait — and to assess their client’s emotional well-being.

While it’s easiest to reach out via email (unless clients specifically state they don’t want it) and it’s always nice to be able to attend ceremonies like weddings, funerals and graduations to engage with clients and their families, financial advisors should use the telephone to check in on grieving clients.

“Call every week at first, then every other week, just to check in,” Florian recommends. “Ask what kind of day they’re having -- is it an up day, is it a down day or an all-over-the place day? Ask what is happening with them and their families at this point. Ask how their social network is reacting or who they find to be the most supportive. Ask open questions and then really listen to the answers. Keep track of where their grieving process is going.

“It’s also okay to ask if anyone has given them suggestions on what to do with any investments -- offer to answer any questions that they might have, be the second set of eyes for them.”

This kind of communication is even more important when dealing with a partner, spouse or other loved one after a client has died, says Florian. By volunteering to be an objective advocate for the family, an advisor not only solidifies their relationships, but also improves their odds of keeping a higher percentage of client assets through transition.

But capturing more client assets in transition also means conducting ground work to establish closer relationships with clients’ families and seizing the multiple opportunities advisors have to practice grief support.

“You have to learn the soft skills for the little transitions as well as the big ones,” Florian says. “When a client’s child goes off to college and there’s the empty chair at the dinner table, and they walk down the hall to see an empty bedroom with a bed that’s still made, that’s a significant transition, and it also involves grief.”

Just as advisors find ways to add value for clients around retirement and death, Florian says that they can arrange for clients’ children to have health-care privacy and power-of-attorney paperwork prepared for when they leave to go to school in case of emergencies. Though it isn’t technically financial advice, doing so protects clients and their children and establishes confidence in the relationship.

Advisors can’t learn to deal with grieving and loss overnight -- Florian admits that her one-hour conference sessions are only the beginning. Her two-day workshops allow for much deeper education and role play. Yet fine-tuning these soft skills takes practice and exercise. Florian recommends that offices meet to conduct dry runs and role play client scenarios.

“You have to walk people through the less significant transitions and griefs of life, too, and little by little you’ll find that you get better at it,” Florian says. “When there’s a major grief experience, you’re going to be better prepared both to serve your client and to be there for their whole family. You then position yourself as a comprehensive advisor who cares about more than just the money.”

Even as firms push efficiency and implement robo-advisors and other digital tools in hopes of scaling up their practices, Florian urges advisors not to lose their human touch.

“It’s imperative. Use the digital tools and technology to free up more time to work on the relationship side,” Florian says. “If all you can do is talk about money, then who will want to pay your fee? Instead, become a wise advisor who accompanies clients and their families through all the ups, downs, joys, and griefs of life. It’s the right thing to do for the client, and it also happens to be very good for your business.”