It was quiet. Too quiet.

I was home alone for a few days. My son, Josh, was teaching kids about the outdoors as a counselor at a summer camp near Asheville. My wife, Kelly, and daughter Megan were in New York City visiting with friends and meeting Michael Strahan at a taping of his show.

At first, it was kind of nice back at the house. When they are all gone, I usually try something new in the kitchen they might not want to try. This time it was a recipe for a spicy roasted chickpea snack. Yummy. Home alone, I could eat whatever I wanted. Watch whatever I wanted and do as I pleased, even if that was doing nothing at all. I enjoyed that no one asked me for anything.

In the end, though, I didn’t like it much. I wasn’t entirely surprised by this because that’s what usually happens when I am home alone. I miss having the people I care about near me. I knew that ahead of time and it still stunk. But, it wasn’t truly a problem.

For many retirees, living alone can be an enormous challenge.

Many of the same issues I joke about are experienced in damaging ways. This is particularly true for the newly widowed. One of the reasons my time alone was bearable was I knew it was temporary. A deceased spouse is not coming back. For some newly widowed, living alone can feel like indefinite solitary confinement.

Family, friends and neighbors may or may not be of any help. They may be limited in how much they can or will do. For family in particular, the geographical separation can be such that they simply can’t be there much.

“Can’t” is a powerful word and it often applies to living alone. Some people simply can’t live by themselves due to physical or cognitive considerations.

What can financial planners do to help retirees with this? I see three approaches fairly often.

Find Like-Minded People
The first applies to the emotional struggles of living alone. People need people in their lives. Planners can encourage clients to engage in the client’s social circles or try new ones. Seeking to engage socially can be very intimidating, but I have found that pointing clients toward groups involved in what is interesting to them can be effective.

The most obvious places to find like-minded people are places of worship and hobby-related groups. In most areas of the country, there are clubs and organizations of people that are interested in just about anything you can think of. The most common are art, music, food, dance, literature, games, sports (watching or participating), youth programs, animal welfare, gardening and travel.

Find Services
The second thing I see planners doing revolves around services for those with physical or cognitive limitations. If you are going to advise retirees, you will need an awareness of the in-home services available in your community. You can help arrange the attainment of needed services from reputable providers.

Of course, you would help them navigate the financial aspects of utilizing these services. You could also help them arrange their affairs to reduce the chances the client could fall victim to fraud or exploitation. Sadly this is a growing problem. Seniors living alone are targets. I’ll discuss this topic in a future column.

Find New Living Options
The third thing planners can do is get their clients thinking about the simple fact that for many who find living alone a challenge, the solution is simply not to live alone.

I am not suggesting you try to set your clients up with dates. Rather, I’ll describe a few things I have seen done that have been beneficial.
 
One of the most common ways to reduce isolation is continuing care communities. Here, a client can live alone in their own apartment, condo, townhome or standalone residence in a community full of people at a similar stage of life. Just a few steps out their door, they will find easily accessible personal care, food service, transportation and activities for a wide variety of interests.

I have seen elderly people move in to such places and almost immediately perk up emotionally. Most people want to be busy at least some of the time. I believe, access to the goings on and the socialization that comes with it literally added years to the lives of a couple of the elderly in my family.

They are called continuing care because as a person’s physical or cognitive condition changes, a range of on-site services are readily available. These typically run the gamut from basic household services to home health aides to assisted living to full nursing care.

Many married couples like these arrangements too because if one spouse needs significant care that would normally necessitate a move, the unaffected spouse can stay in the residence. They remain in geographic proximity to each other and their valuable social circles stay intact.

These places are not cheap, but they are not necessarily expensive either. There are many financial twists and turns involved when utilizing the continuing care community approach to aging issues. Planners can certainly be helpful in analyzing the affordability of various options.

Then there is family. I hear often from clients that they do not want to be a burden on their children. In many families, living together is simply not viewed that way. After all that is how most families took care of their elderly for centuries.

Financially it can be a boost if expenses are shared, but for many retirees living with their kids is an attractive way to assure they are safe, well cared for and engaged with their family. The “kids” are usually empty nesters and often find relief from wondering how their parent is fairing. They can walk down the hall and see for themselves.

Most often, elderly are moving into their children’s homes but I have seen a few children move in with a parent. There is some hesitancy sometimes because society can equate an adult living with their parents as something negative, like freeloading or being something an Internet troll might do.

For those who don’t care about such nonsense, the arrangement can be advantageous, particularly for the elderly parent. They often find comfort in the familiarity that comes from not having to move and uproot themselves.

Regardless of whose home is used, clearly, there are issues to discuss and work on when a child lives with a parent. The last time they lived together, the kid was a dependent in the parent’s house. This will be different. It has to be for it to work well.

And with enough effort and conversation, it can work well. Where does one go to be alone?  Will they maintain separate food supplies? Who cooks? Who cleans? Who pays for what?

And don’t forget the siblings that don’t live there. Are they “getting away with not providing care” for mom?  Are they envious that the sibling that lives with mom is closer to her than ever before?
All of these and more are issues to discuss with and among a family.

That is where planners can be of immeasurable value -- getting the conversation started about what their clients want for themselves and how family, friend and neighbors will help or not help. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, but with enough good exploration, something proper can be tailored for the situation at hand.

Dan Moisand, CFP, has been featured as one of America’s top independent financial advisors by Financial Planning, Financial Advisor, Investment Advisor, Investment News, Journal of Financial Planning, Accounting Today, Research, Wealth Manager and Worth magazines. He practices in Melbourne, Fla. You can reach him at [email protected].