You greet your client. Then you move in friendly fashion to your favorite gathering place. You gaze into her eyes or his. You have some small talk, build some trust. Maybe insert some humor in an attempt to relieve the likely tensions implicit in a pending money conversation. The point is to establish a bond. And then, thinking you are alone, you go to work.

So far so good, except for one little problem. An essential element of your operating premise is flawed. To be precise, you are most certainly not alone. It just seems like it because the door is closed with just you and your client(s) inside.
You wish.

In fact, there are many others right there in the room with you. Unseen, unnamed, devoid of fiduciary relationships of any kind by any measure, easily ignored and even more easily underappreciated-there are actually many, many, many people there. That is the nature of money. Its ability to tie us together with so many others defies physical limitations of mere time and space. In some ways of thinking, there are literally billions of people in your conference room.

Can you cope with such numbers? Of course. You are a professional. But consider and beware: Your best laid plans might have been magnificent, but if those others in the room slip objections into your clients' subconscious, those best laid plans might just be toast.

Now breathe.

Among your many tasks at this crucial moment is to consider how these unseen folks might have infiltrated your clients' most intimate thought processes and relationships with money. Who might these people be, and how do they fit into your clients' financial lives?  They come in various guises, missions and psychic intensities.

Among the first group of influentials are those celebrated people-generals and politicians, storytellers and mythmakers, teachers and preachers, wise ones and elders, explorers and creators-whose values, accomplishments and personalities have affected individuals and cultures and left a mark on their times. Such people help form the consciousness of mankind's various ages and make us who we are. These people of culture have shaped your client's value systems, though he might not know it, as well as his basic understanding of money, wealth and the meaning of life. Their song might be long over, but their melodies linger into an infinite future. They can sometimes contribute to irrational fears, but they often nurture hopes and structure notions of right and wrong, duty and dreams, power and impotency, grace and sin.

Also in the room are your clients' loved ones and the others they are concerned about. Parents can be exceptionally strong when they are in the room. Who are they? Were they children of the Great Depression or the Great War? Korea or Vietnam? What values were imposed upon them? What values have they transmitted?

Who died prematurely? What promises were broken? What are their family's mythologies? Who was the favorite parent? Who were they to the outside world? What are their surprises? What did they inherit?

Was there tragedy? Did it lead to fear?

Were their ancestors something special? Are their names on the sides of buildings? Are they proud? Or ashamed? Or fearful of falling short?

Such visitors are probably the most powerful of the lot. Make no mistake-these are not docile shades prone to accept your obvious expertise without question. This is particularly true of those with strong value systems. If Great-Great-Grandma taught her offspring that money is the root of all evil, and they, in turn, taught the same thing to theirs, it will be hard to exorcise that belief, even if survival is on the line. If her husband communicated the importance of tithing, that habit likely persisted through the generations.

Indeed, these influential ones may even prove to be your fiercest competition. By any rational measure, they may even be your greatest enemies. If you cannot overcome their objections, they can destroy your whole relationship.

Then there are those in the room who your clients are concerned about. Family and friends are obviously part of this group, but there may be others as well, such as employees, customers, networkers, stakeholders, teammates and the various beneficiaries of your clients' philanthropy. You will want to know about them, too.

Some of these silent observers can be easily identified, especially the ones who are paramount in your clients' minds. Children and parents pose a host of difficult issues. Are they healthy? Can they support themselves? Will they be all right? Is there anything special about them that is likely to cost money? These folks most certainly will be in the room.

Are there stewardship or legacy issues? Is there a succession plan? Or a business continuation plan? What happens with their transition? These people are also in the room.

Is there anything out of the ordinary about your clients? Is it a married couple with the same offspring or are there different broods? What are their aspirations for their children? What is the nature of their relationships with them? What sorts of promises have they made, implied or overt? Are their interests aligned? Do they both love all of the children alike?

If they are "special," are they going to need something more? Do the artistic geniuses need something out of the ordinary? What about the physically/mentally disadvantaged? Are the autistic savants capable of self-care? Putting aside incapacity, how about those who simply have a challenge "getting a grip," i.e. twentysomethings?   

In addition to those in the room, there are also the concerns who have yet to be in the room-the unborn, who, for the legacy- or dynasty-minded, may be a dominating concern.

Finally, the room holds all those people with an impact on your clients' money, one way or another. These include co-workers, neighbors, fellow citizens, enemies, friends, policymakers and so forth. Ultimately, they must also include society as a whole-indeed, all humans. Your clients' money and money issues must function in context with all of these. Obviously, you cannot know all there is to know about them-yet you must understand that your clients are not living their lives in a vacuum, without relationship to others. It is in money's nature to bind us all together.

Of course, all of these people are there in spirit and consciousness, not in body. Obviously. But think about it. Your clients and their money carry these people with them wherever they go. We do, too. We are all alike in this, as we are inextricably tied to one another through money and the money forces. Part of the job is to know those who are the most powerful.

This requires us to think about money, what it is and what it does. Where does it come from and why? As noted in the subtitle to this article, the term "my money" is an oxymoron. There is no such thing. Money is social and cultural. Money requires others with whom to exchange.
What is more, it does not stop there. This force we call money operates worldwide among all people. Its realities are not always pleasant ones.

Certainly, the absence of ample quantities and qualities of money creates severe hardships for individuals, communities and countries. Nonetheless, there are few that are unaffected by it.

This means considering humanity at large when we are thinking expansively. Your clients do not hold their financial resources in isolation but in a context with all of humanity. Nor are the ripples of their decision-making processes confined to their particular concerns. Rather, their money decisions will have strong ramifications for others. In a very real sense, all of humanity is right there with you in that tiny little room. All of humanity has a vested interest in the work and choices that will emerge from it.

If you had hoped only to crunch the numbers with your client, too bad. The one thing you need to know about all those people in the room is this: They will be heard. In some manifestation, they are engaged with thought processes, actions and implications. They expect understanding. If they ain't happy, ain't no one gonna be happy.

So the key is wondering: Who else is in the room? What are they trying to tell you?  The room can get crowded because there is no such thing as "my money." It always involves others, even behind closed doors.

Richard B. Wagner, JD, CFP, is the principal of WorthLiving LLC, based in Denver. He is the 2003 recipient of the Financial Planning Association's P. Kemp Fain Jr. Award, which recognizes a member who has made outstanding contributions to the profession.