Just as caution is thrown to those who don’t organize their estate matters, if couples don’t take the time and energy to invest in their relationship, they will find that the effects on their family and finances can be equally devastating. Failure to address things like how much time they will spend together, changes in household responsibilities if one retires before the other, or how their golden years will be affected by financial issues such as supporting an aging parent or adult child can quickly remove the luster and shine from their golden years. Let me assure you and your clients, money can’t buy happiness before or during retirement, and misery loves company, especially when someone is stuck in the house all day with a spouse they’re angry of frustrated with.

What I know about retirement is that people have a tendency to create their own thoughts and plans regarding everyday life in retirement. The problem is they aren't always effective in communicating those thoughts and plans with their spouse, which is exactly where the danger lurks. If assumptions aren't discussed before retirement, they can quickly become points of contention and cause conflict.

In one of my workshops a women remarked, “I told my spouse that I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch every day.” The comment suggests that couples can, and probably will, have different priorities and attitudes about retirement and that identifying those differences is critically important to their compatibility, and success in retirement. 

However, right now, too many advisors are part of the problem instead of the solution. Our industry focuses too much on conveying the ideal or perfect retirement instead of what is really going to happen. We help clients do lots of dreaming but very little in terms of managing the mental, social, and physical aspects of retirement. That has to change. We need to encourage clients to build strong, healthy relationships through regular communication and problem solving, because life, especially in retirement, can change course quicker than the stock market. If the relationship isn’t solid, nothing else will really matter.  

Thankfully, the fix for our industry can be both easy and fun. Just as you don’t have to be an attorney to discuss important aspects of estate planning, advisors don’t need to become life coaches or therapists. Instead, you just need to get comfortable with the topics and develop resources that help raise awareness.

This can be accomplished with a simple checklist, brochure or planning conversation. Personally, I enjoy talking about these issues with clients, and usually use my own marriage as an example to start the conversation. I generally ask if they have talked about what their everyday life with one another will be like when they retire. I say, “I’d have to buy more life insurance if I retired because my wife would kill me if I was around the house all day with nothing specific to do.” I’m also able to start many fun and engaging conversations with the story about the woman who said, “I married you for better or worse but not for lunch every day.”

Humor aside, retirement can be cruel to some. It’s not easy to leave your career identity behind, to fill your time with meaningful tasks, to get motivated to work out or make new friends.  he lack of which can seriously hinder a relationship in retirement. 

These types of conversations with clients do require some practice and getting used to, but once you build a foundation to work from, advisors can not only make an impact in their client’s lives but also discover  a new  “feel good” sense of pride by helping clients personally and not just financially. 

In addition to conversations that enrich both clients' and advisors' lives, I suggest advisors use their newsletter or even a blog or social media post to help raise awareness and stand out in the crowd. Writing about the mental, social and physical aspects of retirement is not only a great way to break the mold, but it’s generally pretty compliance friendly because you won’t be talking about investments, markets or returns.  It’s as simple as plugging the story at the top of the article into your newsletter or using a guide like I have developed, How To Prepare Your Marriage For Retirement, as a low barrier to entry.

Retirement has changed and continues to evolve each and every day.  It’s time for advisors to break the mold and begin looking for new and value added ways to improve the lives of clients, improve the image and reputation of our industry, and find an added sense of purpose in their work.