For the football player, controlling his internal dialogue is the key ingredient to remaining “mentally tough.” Let’s examine an NFL quarterback in an important game, finding his team down by two touchdowns late in the game. That is the “event.” Whether or not he will fold under the stress that could come from dealing with this adversity depends strictly on how he interprets this event inside his head.
For example, let’s say he thinks to himself, “I can’t believe how many dropped balls my receivers had today. They are playing as if they don’t care if we lose. Maybe I have lost my edge as the leader of the team and I’m not as good as the coaches think I am. I don’t believe that I can win this game now.”
This kind of negative, self-defeating internal dialogue will set off alarm systems within his brain (i.e., switch on the fight/flight nervous system), sending stress hormones flowing, tightening arm and leg muscles, making it impossible for the quarterback to move fluidly, thus increasing the probability of errors, and “fulfilling” the negative self-fulfilling prophesy that he just invented in his head. This can also lead to enough self-doubt that makes a quarterback wonder if he really has the ability to be successful in the NFL (“Impostor Fear”) and this kind of fear will dramatically ramp up the stress.
On the other hand, let’s examine the internal dialogue to the exact same event by a quarterback who understands how to interpret potentially stressful events. Let’s say he says to himself, “Ok, we’ve made some drops, but these are fabulous receivers. It’s not their habit. I will calm them down and tell them that I have complete confidence in them and will continue to throw to them. We can win this. It’s only the drops that have kept us behind. I will demonstrate my confidence in them.”
This kind of positive interpretation of a potentially stressful game situation puts the quarterback and his team in the best position to overcome the obstacles and bounce back into the game. The consistently successful quarterback does not doubt himself or his teammates and sticks with a winning plan, despite the obstacles that present themselves along the way.
Now let’s examine financial advisors, facing the major challenge of market volatility, including major drops. They also have choices in the way they interpret those events and can learn to become “mentally tough.”
The overly stressed advisor might say something like this to him/herself: “I get so irritated when the market gets volatile like this. My clients blame me as if I can predict these market events. They challenge my investment strategy and I have to hold their hands and assure them that their wealth is secure. I don’t like the way they engage me when they are angry and frightened. Maybe this wasn’t the best career choice for me. I don’t know how much longer I can take this.”
Much like the quarterback in the first scenario, this kind of negative, self-defeating internal dialogue will produce the stress response, including feelings of anxiety, irritation, perhaps depression, impatience, headache and many other symptoms of stress. Such self-talk habits during challenging times may also lead to doubts about whether the advisor really has what it takes to be successful in this career field (“Impostor Fear”).
Here is an example of the internal dialogue of a consistently successful, low-stressed financial advisor, when facing adversity. It begins by having a personal “identity statement.” An “identity statement,” is a description about the real value you bring to your clients, to your own family, to colleagues whom you mentor, etc. The goal of having such a statement in mind is to boost your confidence whenever you doubt yourself. Repeat this statement until you genuinely and consistently believe in yourself and in your skills.
Here is an example: “I am a very successful advisor because I understand how to leverage my clients’ assets for market volatility like this. In my career, I have overcome many obstacles and turned them into accomplishments. I have helped many clients to successfully navigate economic roller coasters. I am proud that I have helped so many families to preserve and enhance their wealth into their retirement years. Neither my success, nor my own expectations are dependent on having to be perfect.”