In my last article I discussed four common, negative self-talk patterns in which advisors frequently (and often unconsciously) engage. Recall that it is not the event (such as extreme market volatility or abrasive clients complaining to you) that builds stress in you; rather, it is your beliefs and internal self-talk habits about these situations that causes (or, for that matter, melts away) stress.
To review the A-B-C model, it goes like this:
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(A) A Potentially Stress Producing Activating Event Takes Place (e.g., unpredictable market volatility, like we have already seen in 2015.)
- (B) Your Beliefs and Self-Talk About That Event Occur Immediately (For example, you might say to yourself, “Just when I told Mr. Smith to buy that position, the market tanked again. I’ll be hearing from him any minute and he will be irrational and abrasive! I don’t know if I really want to continue getting beaten up by these clients. … Maybe I should retire from this career.”). This is an example of engaging in two commonly used, self-defeating self-talk patterns: “Mind Reading” and “Catastrophising.”
- (C) The Consequent Emotions and Behaviors Occur (You experience a tightness in your chest and stomach, have a short fuse with your staff and colleagues, and you may even decide to leave the office early, before the calls come in.)
Step #1: This is my story … and I’m sticking to It.
Use your education, experience, mentors, etc., to establish your core values regarding wealth management and stick to your convictions, especially when the market or clients challenge you. Don’t be tempted to doubt yourself or your philosophy because of market conditions or pressure from difficult clients, who try to manipulate you into buying their unsophisticated, naïve, emotional investment strategies.
Step #2: Use “active listening” xskills to communicate with difficult clients.
There are many guidelines for employing active listening techniques when dealing with abrasive, impatient, worried clients. These techniques can be found in my book, “The Financial Advisor’s Ultimate Stress Mastery Guide,” which can be ordered from Financial Advisor magazine.
Step #3: Understand the role of distorted thinking habits that undermine your stress and change those habits.
I will address specifics about how to accomplish this very important skill in subsequent articles.
Step #4: Practice assertive communication with your clients.
One of the most frequent problems that advisors bring to me when they seek personal coaching is how to assert themselves with demanding, aggressive and often high AUM clients. Many excellent books teach assertiveness skills. One of my favorites is “Don’t Say Yes When You Want to Say No," by Herbert Fensterheim and Jean Baer.