Can you remember a time when you felt as though your work and your life were not your own? Can you recall a time when there were more "to-do's" being added each day than were being subtracted? When that feeling of despair was a constant companion?

I can.

I remember vividly working six, sometimes seven days a week, 12 to 14 hours a day. Vacation was when I was home with the flu. Not fun. However, working at a breakneck pace to build the practice and fulfill my promise to be there for my clients was just part of the gig. I somehow managed to answer the calls, write the letters, work on the plans and meet with clients.

I was Superman without the cape, but somehow I didn't feel so super. I stared at the piles of professional journals I wanted to read, but there was no time in my day-or night, for that matter.

I remember that my ability to consistently deliver a plan that reflected what my clients truly wanted was sometimes less than adequate. I wondered whether it was because they lacked clarity or because I did.

My time with my children and wife were limited to the brief hours of home time, where I ached for sleep but did my best to attend to their needs as well. I was woefully out of shape from poor eating and lack of exercise. It was not a pretty picture. I knew that something had to give and I was hoping it was not my endurance.

Have you ever had a nagging thought in the back of your mind that didn't want to come out? I did-a voice telling me that change was necessary. Perhaps there was a little person living in the bags under my eyes imploring me to find a better way.

My first "aha" moment came when I found the Loring Ward fee-based investment platform that would provide me with a rational approach to clients' money. It was like a light switch being turned on! You mean, I don't have to scour hundreds of retail mutual funds hoping to find those that actually did what they said they were going to do? WOW! Really?

My second "aha" moment came when I heard Michael Gerber, "The E-Myth" meister, talk about working ON my business, rather than IN my business. What a concept; and here I thought all I had to do was show up every day, meet clients, work on their needs, answer their questions and voila ... a successful business.

My third "aha" was taking the opportunity to attend Dick Zalack's Focus Four coaching program. The idea here was to work ON purpose, WITH purpose and FOR a particular outcome.

The final piece of the puzzle fell into place when I attended Money Quotient, where Carol Anderson introduced us to Financial Life Planning and a set of tools to help clients articulate their values and their dreams. This was critical because my success in "plan building" was mostly good, but there were times when I missed the mark.

Mostly was not an acceptable outcome; in order for my mission to be meaningful, I had to hit a home run each and every time. The only way to have that success ratio was to ensure that clients were willing and able to communicate their values. Their financial plan rested firmly in the bedrock of their "musts."

I finally possessed the tools necessary to build a practice based on a rational wealth management platform; business practices that were directed to build systems and processes; appropriate goals; good habits; careful decision-making; and specific actions and a means of working with clients to uncover and understand what was most important to them. These pieces coalesced into a belief that what I did mattered and what we would deliver had meaning beyond the growing of wealth.

There was one aspect that was missing and that was the glue to hold it all together. The answer became obvious as I looked at the mind map I had constructed. Being a visual learner, I viewed the design that spilled out over the page. It was communications! Without excellent communications to take one's thoughts into action-ask appropriate questions; listen intently and deeply; and convey ideas to clients, prospects, staff, colleagues and the media-how would one even hope to pull this off?
I created a list of ten tenets of effective communications:

  1. Do what you say you're going to do-consistently!
  2. Listen more than you talk, and listen fully and actively.
  3. Be aware that people process information differently from one another.
  4. Think BEFORE you speak.
  5. Speak and act in a non-judgmental manner.
  6. Ask questions.
  7. Be direct.
  8. Remember and understand why you're there.
  9. Provide your clients with a sense of control over the process.
10. Be respectful.

This is not simply a list of words. If you don't truly live these ten tenets of effective communications, processes break down, and it becomes about "you" rather than the client who is placing not only her trust, but also her life, in your hands. That is a huge responsibility and not to be treated lightly; your actions might impact their ability to send their children to college or to retire in dignity.

The financial services industry has worked very hard and spent an untold amount of money to blur the lines between stockbrokers and those who live and carry a fiduciary standard. Today, everyone is a "financial advisor" and the public is unaware of the difference between who is interested in creating a transaction and who is invested in their success. The words are virtually the same and those in the RIA business do not have the deep pockets of their competitors whose names line Wall Street. While consumers might not yet understand the difference, we must educate them one person at a time (without the benefit of Super Bowl advertisements or full-page ads in The Wall Street Journal).

I have spoken countless times with advisors who don't understand the difference between financial planning and financial life planning. Financial life planning takes the quantitative work of financial planning-the data collection, analysis and plan preparation-and mixes in a qualitative glue that not only helps uncover the client's financial position today, but creates a deep understanding of their tomorrows and their yesterdays.

Think about it. If you don't understand someone's attitudes, beliefs and money history, you end up creating a plan that doesn't acknowledge the successes or obstacles they have dealt with during the course of their life. Winston Churchill said, "Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it." This applies to our own histories as well.

Financial life planning is financial planning done correctly, bringing in an understanding of a client's past as well as a clear understanding of what they want in their lives that is consistent with their dreams and values. A plan that acknowledges the past, aims at the future and is grounded in today is one that will resonate with a client, deeply and personally. If we, as planners, are advising our clients to make changes, we'd better give them a compelling reason to do so.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you made a change in your life? Was it easy? What steps were necessary? What obstacles did you encounter in your journey to implementing a successful change? You must have this type of understanding to get even a glimpse of what you are asking your client to do. After all, change for some people is nearly impossible and for others it is incredibly painful. There are those-the rare few-who embrace change with seemingly little effort; but they are in the minority.

The journey to incorporate life planning into my practice has been joyful-mostly. I have kept my "end in mind" as a reminder of why I am going through the process of change. I have written my story to remember what it was like before and why that is not a formula for personal success.

There are some who might feel daunted by the idea of change and all the unknowns; but I encourage you to try. Create your vision. Know why change is important and necessary to live the life you want and deserve, and to bring the best of you and the best of our profession to your clients. The conversations are deep, rich and meaningful, and the difference you can make goes beyond wealth creation or sustenance to the core of one's values; it impacts families for generations and can ultimately help change society so that everyone lives a life that is attuned to their values ... and that's not bad. Enjoy the journey!