We have open conversations about how her father continues to dominate her thinking, even though she is now over 60 years old. He comes up in many conversations we have when she is feeling guilty about spending money. She has not yet put all her issues with money behind her, but she will acknowledge that she is gradually changing her attitude. The couple just returned from a very nice vacation that she told us she would not have taken two years ago.
Of course, I could have simply pointed out that they had more than enough money to last them both their lifetimes and yet they could still enjoy the luxuries. She knew she had enough money, but emotionally she could not accept spending money frivolously. She, her husband and I are confident that she will eventually put most of those feelings behind her because, for the first time, they are being discussed openly. As I've said on these pages before, there is power in asking the right questions.
According to a Money magazine survey, "71% of Americans admit that they keep secrets or lie to spouses and significant others about their money." While this may be interesting information, how should it affect how financial life planners interact with their clients?
Of course, we have no way of knowing why so many people lie to each other about money, but I do know that an open and frank discussion about the genesis of their feelings is extremely productive. A conversation can have a liberating effect on the future of money relationships, as it did with our client couple. And if that leads to our clients making smart financial decisions, then we have fulfilled our mission. If not us, then who?
Roy Diliberto is chairman and founder of RTD Financial Advisors Inc. in Philadelphia.