With the onset of winter, I grabbed my heavy coat to take the dog outside. During our walk, I noticed a few threads dangling from the arm of my coat. I didn’t give it much thought, but the next day I found myself wearing the same coat and soon felt my wrist being tickled by the same hanging strings. 

Without any real plan, I pulled at a few of them. As I had hoped, the first one broke right off, but the second and third strings didn’t follow suit. The more I pulled, the longer these strings grew. I tried to remedy the situation with a quick jerk, but things only got worse. Before I knew it, my entire coat cuff was unraveling, with more loose threads than ever.

Not only did my decision to pull and tug frustrate me, remedying the situation would now take a bunch of extra steps.

This is an example of something we’ve all done. We either stopped and cut the strings or rolled the dice and hoped for the best. It’s also a great metaphor for retirement because clients often leave aspects of their personal life exposed and dangling. They aren’t trained to think about all the different life threads that must be knitted together to make a successful transition from work life to home life in retirement. 

We live in a world where things left unattended have a tendency to deteriorate … where a life left unprotected from the harsher elements of retirement can become worn and tattered. The more common loose threads of retirement include aging parents, adult children, long-term care needs, a market crash, rising health care costs and outliving one’s money. While some of these topics do make it into client conversations, there are also threads of retirement that, although less popular, also have the power to unravel the very things clients have spent a lifetime planning for.

Straying Thoughts

Just as a loose thread can wave in the wind, so too can a retired client’s mind. There was a recent story about a guy who had a flat tire on a country road. After realizing he had no jack, he began walking, in search of a local farmer who could help him. 

It was getting dark and, as he walked, his mind began to wander. What if the farmer’s not home? What if he is and won’t let me use his jack? What if he won’t let me use his phone? What if he’s frightened of me? I never did anything to him! Why won’t he just let me use his phone? 

The guy became so obsessed with what could go wrong, by the time he knocked on the farmer’s door and the friendly old man answered, he could only exclaim, “Well, you can just keep your damn jack!”

With fewer obligations to occupy their time, retired clients often find their thoughts wandering. For those not mentally disciplined enough to recognize the dangers, one thought can lead to another and suddenly a new conspiracy is born. 

We’ve all seen examples of this in our practice. We ask the proverbial question, “How are things going?” and suddenly we’re subjected to a full blown soap opera covering everything from a sibling who’s been stealing from the family inheritance since he was 10 to government legislation that’s sure to rob them of their 401(k) and the Social Security they deserve.

It’s sometimes scary to watch people grab at anything to justify their thinking and negativity. It highlights their inability to differentiate between what one can and cannot control … and it’s usually a symptom of being closed-minded, irrelevant and unconnected.

Negative thought patterns like these can push other people away and strain relationships. In other words, they just keep pulling and pulling on those strings in search of that elusive end, unaware of the damage they are creating in the process. 

All of us have moments of worry and thoughts that stray but most recognize them for what they are and quickly “cut the thread” by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones or with ideas from others around us. I often bring up this topic with clients by cautioning them to “be careful of straying thoughts” and share the guy on the country road story mentioned above. Oftentimes, they’ll laugh and say, “That’s me … I’ve been up since four o’clock this morning just thinking about things.” This technique helps them become more cognizant of the dangerous patterns they may be creating and to seek out others when they can’t break the patterns themselves.

Faith

When it comes to client conversations, religion falls into the same taboo category as politics. Many advisors assume it’s best to leave that thread dangling. However, bringing it up within the proper context can be rewarding. For example, I use the old saying, “There are no atheists in foxholes” as a way of alluding to the fact that there will be trials and tribulations throughout retirement. 

Retirement isn’t all rose petals and pixie dust. There will be periods of stress, worry and fear that may require more strength, faith and understanding than any amount of savings or dividend payments can provide. 

Being tested in retirement can be likened to the process that silversmiths use when purifying silver. After placing the metal in a pot, they use extreme heat to force impurities to the surface, where they are scooped out. The process is repeated over and over until the silver is pure. When they can look down and see their reflection, they claim the silver is pure and “tested.” 

Be it a divorce, loss of a loved one, a troubling medical diagnosis, depression or simply an unexpected event, rest assured “impurities” will show up in retirement, and clients need to have the tools and support to not only scoop them out, but also be satisfied with the person they see reflected back in the process. To put the need for faith during difficult times into context, it can be said that all spiritual warriors have broken hearts … alas, must have broken hearts … because it is only through the breaking down that we can feel the need and benefits of getting through it to help others. 

I have said time and time again that a successful retirement isn’t one without problems. It’s one in which clients have learned to overcome them. Therefore, just as we suggest clients have a good attorney and CPA, so too should they have good resources in place before they are tested. 

I’m not suggesting advisors head off to seminary school, or ask clerics to refer prospective clients from their congregation, or try to convert clients to their own beliefs. I do suggest, though, that it’s better to go into a storm with the right crew and proper gear than it is to scramble once you’re in the thick of it. Clients need to know that retirement comes with foxholes and that they may be able to avoid some of the associated pain, and find compassion and understanding, by firming up their spiritual thinking now instead of later. 

Overall, the idea that retirement represents a set of threads that must be woven together can help both advisors and clients prepare for all that retirement can be, instead of just assuming the loose ends will take care of themselves.

Thus, it’s important for advisors to be prepared to help client’s cut off frayed and ragged thoughts before they cause relationships to pull apart; and respond in a meaningful way to taboo topics such as religion. As a result, advisors who take the time to work beyond the dollars and cents of retirement will not only help clients avoid all the extra work that can come with some loose threads, but will also be well positioned to create the reflection our industry truly needs.

Robert Laura is the president of SYNERGOS Financial Group, the founder of RetirementProject.org and the creator of the Retirement Wellness Report and DividendPaycheck.org. He can be reached at [email protected].