When I was growing up, my parents used to say all sorts of crazy things to get me and my brothers to comply with their wishes. When it came to the end of mealtime, there was the infamous, “Finish up your plate, you know there are starving children in China.” 

Whenever we made a funny face at each other or were teasing a friend, my mom would say, “Don’t do that or your face will stay like that forever.”  Back then, most people weren’t as politically correct as they are today, so it wasn’t uncommon for a parent to throw in a name for added emphasis…“Do you want to end up like Billy Jenkins?” 

Both of my parents also smoked but I was never warned about the dangers of constantly inhaling second hand smoke. Instead, I was petrified to swallow my gum because I was told it would stay in my stomach for at least seven years.  Additionally, anytime me or my brothers did something that was even remotely risky, like climbing on the garage roof, there was always a terrible story about another bad role model who was killed or maimed for doing the same thing.  “Don’t ever do that again, you know what happened to Jimmy Smitzenhoffer!”

Mind you that “Billy Jenkins” and “Jimmy Smitzhoffer” were urban legends that no one had ever seen or met face-to-face.  But to an unsuspecting kid, the message was clear. You better shape up or you would definitely end up like them. 

Looking back, it’s hard to believe that some parents used these tactics. Today, we know that that this is an old and outdated parenting style driven by fear, guilt and unrealistic consequences. It’s a funny and useful trip down memory lane because all too often, the financial services industry has a tendency to apply a similar approach in terms of using fear, guilt and unrealistic consequences to drive retirement planning behavior.

I think its important to point out that, like our parents, these methods were based on good intentions. After all, we want the best for our clients as our parents did for us. However, good intentions aren’t enough. Which is why we have to turn the page and develop new messages that empower and inspire our clients. In other words, give them a positive spin on key areas of retirement planning.

Starving Children

Looking back, I have to admit, I really didn’t care that there were starving children in China when my mom cooked something I didn’t like. It gave me a bad taste in my mouth and I didn’t want anymore. So, I did my best to avoid it, no matter what my mom or dad said. The same thing can happen to people with retirement planning.  Too often we deliver a message that people aren’t doing enough about it, or for retirement.

We talk in negative terms about the need to constantly save more, how people spend more time planning a two-week vacation rather than their life in retirement…or that a couple needs a million dollars to retire, plus another $270,000 for medical expenses. All these needs and numbers can give them a bad taste about planning and cause them to push their plate away instead of adjusting their behavior. 

It's no wonder that some polls suggest that over 40 percent of people over the age of 50 don’t have a written plan or a financial advisor. I’d rather plan a fun vacation with outings and restaurants than get beat up on all the things I am not doing right or need to do differently. This is an important point because it doesn’t have to be this way. We can make retirement planning much more engaging if we start with the more personal aspects and use those conversations to bridge into the financial components.

Funny Faces And Role Models

Negative messaging isn’t the only issue we face. As financial professionals, we also have to be more educated, as well as open and honest about discussing what happens to people when they make the transition into retirement. Unlike the funny face that supposedly stays the same forever, a lot of things can change quickly in retirement, and without the right plan or understanding, a client’s appearance, social network and relationships can grow old and worn. Causing some new retirees to feel out of sorts and uncomfortable in retirement.

Since we only coached them on the need to save and invest, the non-financial aspects of retirement become foreign territory that they aren’t sure how to navigate. As you might expect, this can cause some stress in people and all of a sudden they are thrust back into their childhood fears of becoming a “Billy Jenkins” or “Jimmy Smitzhoffer” in retirement. 

We have all heard, and maybe have even shared some of the urban legends of retirement. I’m talking about the infamous person who didn’t save enough and ends up a bag lady, living on the streets and talking to herself. Or the father figure who never took the time to be a dad and thus sits sad and all alone in his big, empty house. There are also stories about the alcoholic retiree who ruins family and other events, the so-called perfect couple that is suddenly in divorce court, and let’s not forget about the terminal medical diagnosis that turns retirement from a time of joy into a never-ending role as a caregiving. 

Yes, some of those things can happen, but as advisors, we can also help mitigate some of those problems by introducing what I call, Everyday Heroes of Retirement—positive people and influences who have, or are doing special things in retirement. I’m not necessarily talking about the wealthy person who is walking down the street handing out hundred-dollar bills, or the chap who climbed mount Everest at 70, nor the woman who turned her corporate climb into a number one best-selling book. No doubt there are amazing people like this out there, but I’m emphasizing stories or people who are making an impact in smaller, more concrete ways.

For example, I know of a man who made it his retirement mission to build jewelry boxes for foster kids. It turns out that his mom was a foster kid and growing up, she said that when she was shuttled from house-to-house, she never had anything special or that was her own. Therefore, he wanted to make sure the foster kids he could reach would have something they can carry and call their own.

It’s a beautiful example of finding purpose and value in retirement. It also serves as a healthy pattern interruption to the traditional idea that clients will find fulfillment in golfing, knitting and visiting the grand kids every week.

Chewing Gum

I don’t think there are many analogies out there between gum in your stomach and retirement, but truth-be-told, some people can feel stuck, for extended periods of time and be in need of some help and encouragement. As financial professionals, we need to take a more hands on approach to harnessing the power of positive psychology and behavioral economics to name a few. Several months ago, I wrote a piece on positive psychology as well as a recent piece on behavioral economics that are well worth the read because they can help provide context for what clients are thinking and feeling during their transition.

Additionally, both offer evidenced based research and methods to help people not only thrive in retirement, but also make better long-term decisions about it. This is monumental stuff because there are so many quants in our field who think the soft side of planning doesn’t have as significant role and the hard side, but nothing could be further from the truth. Quite frankly there is no hard side without the soft side.

So, I’m not asking you to become a life coach or to post philosophical quotes on social media, but rather I am asking you to dig into the useful and credible aspects of the soft side and begin to use it to change your approach and messaging to clients.  

In the end, it’s important for our industry to begin to shift our messaging from negative, fear-based financial conversations, to more well-intentioned and integrated conversations. This will help strike a better balance between the mental, social, physical, spiritual and financial aspects of retirement. After all, you don’t want to end up like “Billy Jenkins” or “Jimmy Smitzhoffer” do you?  Good, then finish what’s on your plate!

Robert Laura is the president of SYNERGOS Financial Group, the founder of RetirementProject.org and pioneer in Certified Retirement Coach training. He can be reached at [email protected].