Several years ago, I created a Google alert for my name, “Robert Laura,” so I could keep track of my online articles, media quotes and speaking appearances. Once you create an alert, Google will email you every time your name pops up on the Internet. 

It’s a great tool, however, I got more than I bargained for. Much to my surprise, I started to receive death notices on a weekly basis. That’s right, at least three to four times a week I started getting a Google alert for “Robert Laura” in the form of a memorial announcement, funeral or online obit. 

As many of you know, a traditional obituary contains the name of the passing person as well as their surviving loved ones, including spouses and children. Therefore, my name pops up a lot because one of the surviving family members name is Robert and they are either married to someone named Laura or they have children with the names Robert and Laura. 

The story line usually looks something like this: Jim Smith passed peacefully surrounded by his wife Ellen, children Marie, Robert, Laura... Or Sally Smith is survived by her three sons, Michael (Jennifer), Jeffrey (Suzanne), and Robert (Laura)...

On the surface, that may seem a little grim, and I have to admit, when I started to receive them, I found it a bit strange. But overtime, I have found a silver lining in them—a hidden message for me, you the advisor and your clients.   

The first lesson is that we are all survivors. Fortunately, I get to hear this several times a week thanks to google. But I don’t know that other people do. Think about it for a moment. The term survivor is a very powerful reference to someone who is strong, determined, committed, proud and able to face adversity.

All essential characteristics that people will need as they enter retirement and deal with the ups and downs of aging, dealing with a difficult medical diagnosis, losing a loved one and more. There is nothing easy or automatic about retirement, and when people get down, they often need hope and inspiration to carry on. Even if your clients aren’t facing a difficult time now, at some point they will, and will be left wondering how they pick up the pieces and move on.

The concept of being a survivor is important to a healthy retirement because it plays into a person’s mindset and attitude about it—something that often isn’t covered but is essential to those making a successful transition. And surprisingly, helping clients establish the right ideas and beliefs about retirement both before they get there, and while they reside there, is the role of the advisor.

Like it or not, the retirement advice game is changing. Just getting people to the finish line with the right amount of resources isn’t enough anymore. Advisors have to become catalysts for helping people make the most of this next phase of life. They have to have tools and resources that educate and empower clients. 

Imagine asking a client or encouraging them to write down some of the hardships and challenges they have overcome in their life. What they were, how they did it, and what they learned from them.

It’s a simple exercise I often include in my Legacy Notebook classes which is designed to help people create an ethical will. It’s a transformative process because as people recall those times, there is a renewed sense of pride, strength and determination that emerges when they put those things into perspective. Furthermore, it allows people to begin to connect both their past personal and work life with the new horizon of retirement, opening the door for positive emotions and can-do attitude.

The second essential lesson in all of this is that people leave us each and every day. Some have lived long lives, while others are taken young and without much warning. No matter the case, relationships with spouses, children, grandchildren, friends and colleagues cannot and should not be taken for granted.

As advisors we often preach the need to save and invest regularly in order to prepare for the future. But what if in the process, a client ends up with their money right but nothing else. I see it all the time. In fact, recently, I was talking with an heir about their inheritance. As part of the introduction, I thought it was important to discuss how I knew his grandfather, the time I spent with him and a few stories from our 15-year relationship. 

I kept it short and sweet and was glad I did because when I was done sharing, I was floored when the grandson replied, “Sounds like you knew my grandfather better than me.”

I didn’t have much to say after that but was reminded once again that every saving and investing discussion for retirement should include relationships rather than just money. Moreover, advisors should be making sure that clients are using their resources to strengthen relationships, not put them off or hope things will improve later when they have more time for them because it may end up being too late. 

Finally, several years ago I came across an interesting quote by Les Brown that I have continued to use as a way to challenge the status quo of traditional retirement planning. It said:

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”

At the time, I lived about a half mile from a cemetery that was positioned along a pathway to our downtown. After reading that, I never walked through there the same. I kept thinking, what secret hopes, desires and dreams lie buried with these folks and how can I make sure that when it’s my time to go, that I don’t go into the grave holding anything back. It’s one reason why I coined the phrase, “No Regrets Retirement” as a means to inspire people to develop a proactive approach to this next phase of life.

Over the years, that concept has come in handy in working with clients and seeking ways to help them identify what is truly important about this next stage of life.  However, at this point, I think this concept is more important for advisors than clients. I know too many talented professionals who are being held back from what they want to do. They feel stuck with their current situation. They want to do something different, they want to be a retirement coach, or more of a life planner instead of sales person, or do group presentations instead of one-on-one consulting. They want to write a book, become an activist, or go independent, but don’t think they can.

They want something better and feel the pull to take the leap, but they can’t pull the cord. The time, money,or circumstance just doesn’t feel right. Well the harsh reality is, it never will. Tackling such a new challenge will come with its own ups and downs but pushing it down and beating it back will only add to the riches in the graveyard.

While most people prefer to steer clear from morbid things, death is a very real part of the retirement planning process, and used correctly can play an interesting role in helping both advisors and clients develop a survivor’s mentality and strengthen relationships while avoiding regrets in the process. 

Robert Laura is the president of SYNERGOS Financial Group, the founder of RetirementProject.org and pioneer in Certified Retirement Coach training. He can be reached at [email protected].