Divorce is the breaking apart. A good financial advisor can help put a life back together again.

But that advisor is going to have to rely on some soft skills, as well as deal with the practical nuts and bolts of a divorce, if he or she is truly going to help a divorced client rebuild, according to Pam Friedman, partner at Silicon Hills Wealth Management in Austin, Texas.

“Clients who are coming to you pre- or post-divorce are in a state of financial anxiety. They want to know if you can give them the same lifestyle they had before,” Friedman explained during a webinar sponsored by the Association of Divorce Financial Planners on Wednesday.

“First, you need to be a good listener. The advisor needs to ask the client or prospect what is going on. Find out what happened before the divorce before you explain what you actually do,” she said.

“You may have to bring them slowly and gently back to reality to tell them things have changed. I do not negotiate for the clients, but I tell them their options and I tell them we have to make the best of what we have,” said Friedman, who is the author of I Now Pronounce You Financially Fit: How to Protect Your Money in Marriage and Divorce. Friedman is a speaker at the Invest In Women conference sponsored by Financial Advisor and Private Wealth magazines, to be held in Houston April 30 to May 2.

After doing those things, the advisor needs to prioritize the steps for the client: the first one being to look at the divorce decree before it is signed so that any mistakes or omissions can be corrected and make sure the client understands the terms. A case in Texas went to the state Supreme Court because an inadvertent alteration was made after both partners agreed about who should receive an IRA. The judges ruled the IRA went to the spouse named in the decree, not the one the parties had agreed on before signing it.

One client came to Friedman after divorcing because she had discovered a home equity loan on her home that she did not know about during the divorce. She had to take her ex-husband back to court to get the money he owed before she could sell the house.

Another client came to Friedman six years after a divorce when she suddenly stopped getting checks from a company she thought she owned stock in. It turned out the divorce decree awarded her the stock dividends, not the actual stock, and dividends were no longer being paid.

One spouse could be awarded the marital home in the settlement but not realize the capital gain on the home, which could raise tax issues when it is sold, Friedman said.

Also, divorcing clients must ask who will be allowed to claim the head of household designation for tax purposes. If a couple is splitting a portfolio, which stocks, bonds and other investments should be sold and which kept?

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