Advisors can no longer service just one individual in a relationship or they risk alienating the other person and likely losing the business if something happens to the point person.

Kathleen Burns Kingsbury, a wealth psychology consultant, author and speaker specializing in women and wealth, and Christine Moriarty, owner of MoneyPeace Inc., gave a two-part interactive presentation to the FPA of Massachusetts annual conference attendees on the topic of "Couples & Money."

A Need For Balance
Most advisors find the partners in couples are often on different pages or one partner is dominant in the meeting (and relationship), according to the speakers.

"They are a system that wants to remain in balance," Kingsbury said. "If you are looking at a traditional relationship, you're looking at key gender differences. When something happens to one person, it ripples through an extended family system like a ripple in a pond."

Both presenters suggested the attendees think of working with couples as 1 + 1 = 3 (counting two individuals and the couple relationship). They added that planning for just one individual is very different.

"A couple is an organism and it wants to stay in balance," stated Kingsbury.  For example, a male might be a saver and a female might be a spender (or vice versa).  

Kol Burke, financial behavior specialist at Commonwealth Financial Network, attended the conference and suggested advisors try to think in terms of the following image.



Source: How to Give Financial Advice to Women by Kathleen Burns Kingsbury (McGraw-Hill, 2012)

It shows how a relationship between a couple can be in or out of balance.

The fact is that women feel left out. Many relationships are out of balance. That is why Kingsbury said 75% of women fire their advisor within a few years of the death of their spouse. It is a shockingly high number, but also proof that advisors need to do a better job of focusing on women.


Challenges Working With Couples
Even if advisors focus on balance, it can still be difficult to service two very different people at the same time. Kingsbury shared these typical differences between males and females:

Men                                            Women
?  Individualistic                          ?  Connected
?  Competitive                             ?  Collaborative
?  Independent learner by doing    ?  Group learner by observing and discussing

Kingsbury said that when advisors are in the same room with couples they need to balance both needs at the same time, which is tricky.  For example, men want the advisor to be an expert and women want the advisor to be a coach.

 

"Not everyone fits into these stereotypes," Kingsbury said.  However, they do serve as a starting point for learning more about traditional couples.

Interestingly, Moriarty said that same-sex couples sometimes take on some of these traditional roles.

The Value Of Couples Planners
Moriarty cited a Fidelity statistic:  "Fifty-seven percent of couples don't agree when they need to retire."  Clear evidence, Moriarty said, that a majority of couples will have to work out issues.

Working with advisors "gets them talking," she said. "They talk about money less than sex."  She added, "Advisors can reset the triangle" and keep the clients in balance.

Mistakes to avoid when working with couples:
    Do not meet with just one person in the relationship.
    Do not just talk to one person on the phone.
    Do not just e-mail one person.
    Do not count on a message to be shared with the other person.
    Do not forget to set expectations in the initial meeting.
    Do not forget to let both people answer questions.
    Do not get stuck in the middle if the clients decide to divorce.
    Do not forget facts and feelings are very different.

Key Takeaways
The presenters left the attendees with a few final messages.  "We want you to listen with all your ears," Moriarty said. "Make sure you give the feedback like you are listening."

Advisors that work with couples benefit from making sure the decision maker is present, creating long-lasting relationships (even if one person dies) and gaining from increased referrals.  When it comes to referrals, woman give twice as many referrals as compared to men, so there is a real reason to connect with women, not just the men, in couple relationships.

Mike Byrnes founded Byrnes Consulting to provide consulting services to help advisors become even more successful. His expertise is in business planning, marketing strategy, business development, client service and management effectiveness, along with several other areas. Read more at www.byrnesconsulting.com.