It’s happening more and more among baby boomer couples. While divorce rates overall have leveled off, and have even begun to decline among some demographics, they’ve risen among Americans over 50 years of age, with approximately 25% of the divorces today occurring among couples who are 50 and older.

According to a 2015 New York Times story, the chances of an adult over 50 divorcing doubled between 1990 and 2014, and the jump was even higher for those over 65.

When couples divorce in their 50s, 60s and 70s, there is less time to recover from the experience—not only emotionally, but financially. The marriage may be decades old, or it may be a second or even third marriage of shorter length. Either way, the fallout can be devastating. Just as you are beginning to think about slowing down and enjoying life, about giving up the demanding schedule built around advancing in a career or raising children, a wrench is thrown into the works. For a spouse caught off guard by the announcement, the revelation can be shocking. Even the spouse who suggested the divorce may be left reeling.

Why This? Why Now?

The reasons people divorce later in life mirror the reasons younger couples break up. There are relationship problems such as infidelity or alcohol abuse. Often the two spouses simply feel they have grown apart and are no longer in love (or one spouse feels that way). Such feelings take on new urgency as they hit milestone birthdays in their 50s, 60s or beyond. We all look around us at magazines and newspaper articles or at social media or other popular-culture influences, and the message we see is that it’s never too late to be what you want to be; it’s never too late to pursue your true passions.

People are living longer and are healthier and more active into their later years than ever before—the average life expectancy in the United States in 2015 reached 78.8 years of age for men and 81.2 for women. And as people live longer, their expectations for what later life looks like have changed. As Americans, we place a high value on fulfillment and feel entitled to our own happiness, no matter our age.

If clients’ marriages are not working, they may decide they don’t want to live out the next 20, 30 or more years with someone they don’t love. Of course, reaching a certain phase of life—and retirement itself—can force them to face some hard realizations. When they retire and their children are out of the house, they will likely be spending lots of time with their spouses. Without the activities that surround taking care of kids and the structure of regular work life to distract them, they may realize that they long ago lost the thread of their relationships.

Changing times, too, bring a new range of possibilities. Over the past few decades, greater options for women in the work world have led many to seek independence if they are unfulfilled or are suffering abuse from a spouse. (According to the National Center for Health Statistics, approximately 80% of divorces are initiated by women.) Financial independence encourages other types of independence. On the other hand, women who are tied to a husband’s finances, with few resources of their own, may be less likely to want to split. 

First Things First

Let’s face it. Divorce is not a topic couples want to talk about. They probably don’t want to talk about it with their friends or their families, and they would certainly prefer not to discuss it with a financial advisor, divorce attorney, tax specialist or other professional. No one wants to look down the road and contemplate the realities of a split, so there can be a tendency to ignore the signs or to put off dealing with the practical details. You have enough to do holding it together emotionally during such a stressful time.

But there are steps a financial advisor and other professionals can take to make sure both married clients (and any children they may have) are well taken care of, and the sooner those plans are begun, the smoother the process will be.

In my more than 30 years as a financial advisor, I have received dozens of phone calls from clients who confide that their marriage is on the rocks. Sometimes it’s a surprise, and other times I’ve had some warning. The first thing I say is, “How can we help?” This initial conversation is an opportunity to find out where the person is in terms of his (or her) thinking, to see how he or she is doing and how the spouse is doing. Often, when people are divorcing, one spouse leads the effort, and it’s good to know who that is. I’ve found that it’s rare for a divorce to be a completely mutual decision, and the fact that the spouses are not on the same page may create problems when it comes time to make decisions.

I like to check in on the kids, too, and ask how they are dealing with the news. If the kids are young—college age or younger—the situation can be complex, because there will likely be the issue of financial support for them and the matter of financing their college educations, as well as possibly thorny issues of custody or visitation. But divorce affects the family even when the children are older, and adult children’s reactions can also create difficulties for divorcing couples. While there is no child support or visitation to deal with per se, the split may leave the children shocked or upset. If the sale of the home they grew up in is involved, they may face deep feelings of loss, realizing that the center of their childhood life, and the site of holiday celebrations and other family traditions, will soon be gone.

A number of adult children may be depending wholly or partially on the financial support of their parents (or even living with them). This makes the divorce even more complicated, both from a financial perspective and in terms of the family dynamics. Adult kids, like younger children, may feel greater allegiance to one parent, especially if one wants the divorce and the other does not, leading to feelings of anger or guilt.

Taking the emotional temperature of the situation helps me prepare for the way the scenario might unfold and offer the kind of help the couple is likely to need. I might ask if they have sought counseling and if there is any hope of reconciliation. This can give me some idea of the likelihood that matters will indeed progress and also provides some sense of the time line. Whatever the answer, it tends to be a slow process; a very efficient divorce might take nine to 12 months, but the more normal course is two years or more. The more complicated the financial scenario and the more difficult the family dynamics, the longer the divorce will take. Some people are able to manage the entire process amicably and with a great deal of respect for each other, but I’ve also seen cases where things got very nasty.

Be Prepared

Our role as financial advisors is to provide our clients with objective information about their finances and the impact different scenarios will have on their financial future—and also to bring some sanity to the process. Because the dissolution of a marriage is such an emotional topic, tensions can run high even in the most cordial of circumstances. We help people step back and look at their financial options calmly and in a way that will lead them to more thoughtful decisions. Advisors must offer clients advice tailored to their situation: So clients must be as open and honest about the divorce as possible. If they are comfortable doing so, they must share with us their personal needs and expectations for what will happen during the divorce and afterward.

Clients also need to share all their financial information, including tax returns, financial statements, income and expenses for the past year and insurance policies.

Clients should also write down any future expenses they anticipate, such as education for children or grandchildren, major home repairs, family health issues, new cars, and so on.

They should review their estate documents for necessary changes along with changes in beneficiary designations on retirement plans and life insurance policies.

They must be prepared to discuss their personal and financial goals, both in the short term and long term—for instance, if they want to move to a new home, start a business, change jobs or retire.

When divorcing couples are older, they face challenges that don’t often face younger people. Their priorities are different. Their life experience is different. And their expectations for what lies ahead are different. But with a little foresight, your older clients can prepare for the consequences of a divorce and have a strong plan in place to ensure both they and their former spouses are well provided for. 

Greg Sullivan is the CEO and President of Sullivan, Bruyette, Speros & Blayney and the author of Retirement Fail: The 9 Reasons People Flunk Post-Work Life and How to Ace Your Own. He will be speaking at Financial Advisor's Inside Retirement conference in Las Vegas on September 26.