The big boss and others at the top are not the only ones prone to feeling lonely and isolated. Count the uber-wealthy as part of that lot.

According to a recent report from Bernstein Private Wealth Management, a New York-based investment manager with $125 billion in assets under management, nearly three-quarters (73%) of ultra-high-net-worth families feel isolated and uncomfortable talking about financial concerns with relatives, peers or even their financial advisors.

A mere 5% felt they had a good network to reach out to, only 11% felt comfortable with their advisors, and only 22% said they were comfortable discussing money issues with either their family or with advisors.

“I think even where they felt like they could talk about it, it still felt quite awkward and isolating,” said Anne Bucciarelli, the firm’s senior national director of family engagement strategies. But she said having a trusted advisor could provide a sense of comfort and a safe space where these families can get insights on the experiences of clients with similar issues.

Bernstein recently conducted research for a report called “Wealth Beyond Measure,” which included 40 interviews, lasting an hour to 90 minutes, with 40 families whose net worth ranged from $100 million to more than $4 billion. The group, she said, ranged from business owners to family offices to wealthy families with different generations involved.

“A big part of the reason behind the research was because we get asked the question, 'What are other people like me doing?'" all the time, said Bucciarelli.

Many of those surveyed felt they didn’t have a network once they created their wealth because their peers were not dealing with the same issues. “And so, they don't feel it's appropriate to talk about it, or they don't feel comfortable,” she said.

Bucciarelli believes a lot of the discomfort the wealthy have about broaching the topic with others stems from their relationship with money. “Maybe they came from a family that just didn't talk about money, and so it's incredibly hard to be able to ask their peers and other people what they're doing,” she said, adding that some of it comes down to the fact that it’s an uncomfortable topic area that “can feel quite isolating.”

While the research made clear that investments and wealth strategies are critically important to this group, their concerns go beyond that, and one of their biggest concerns is about the next generation and family governance, she said. “What are my kids and grandkids going to do? Do they have the skills necessary to steward the wealth going forward? How do we get organized and deal with potential conflicts that might come up as it relates to our family business and our family going forward?” The wealthy survey respondents also worried about their mortality and health, she said.

That means advisors working with the wealthy will have to step back and focus on discovery, asking open-ended questions, she said. “Because if you can understand someone's concerns and also someone's priorities … what they care most about, what they hope to see achieved in their legacy and their planning, then you can start to link in the investment and the trust and estate and the wealth planning advice to help support that,” she said.

At the end of the day, the clients might still feel alone, “but if we can help to start close that gap and help to provide some advice and learnings from other families, that's helpful,” she said.

Bucciarelli said advisors can help clients navigate the emotional and financial complexities that come with having significant wealth in the following ways:

  • By understanding the clients’ concerns. Advisors, Bucciarelli suggests, can engage clients in a conversation by delicately, but directly, asking questions such as “What's on their mind, what are their issues and concerns around wealth? What are their motivating factors, what's holding them back from executing plans?” The clients need “a little bit of a nudge and a push to know that this is a space that they can talk to their advisor about these concerns.”
  • By being educators. Ultra-wealthy individuals are hungry for information about the ways their peers handle their finances. Advisors can show them examples of how other clients they work with are navigating similar issues, and what has and has not been successful, Bucciarelli said. They can also take examples from research.
  • By being a facilitator. Family drama can be tricky, and Bucciarelli said advisors can help family members work through decisions to diminish conflicts and get more family members involved.