Editor's Note: This article is part of the Financial Advisor series "How I Solved It." Advisors describe a problem client and what they did to help.
When an elderly father died, his two feuding children briefly joined together in their grief. But then the son was named executor of the estate, leaving the daughter enraged. Attorneys were called in. A tentative settlement was reached in which the siblings became co-executors. But they still weren't speaking to each other. That's when the deceased father's financial advisor, Dave Parks, was called in.
"The father had been a client of mine," explained Parks, the Washington, D.C.-based founder and executive chairman of Keel Point, a wealth management and investment firm with seven offices spread across the South and more than $2 billion in assets under management. "The daughter came to me because she was confused. The attorneys had removed her from the dialogue, and she had almost no idea what was happening in the estate proceedings."
Parks had dealt with knotty inheritance issues before. He had launched Keel Point in 1998 to serve ultra-high-net-worth families. His particular interest was in understanding familial complexities.
"My team made the decision to contact the brother's attorney in order to get to the bottom of the issue. Turns out both siblings wanted the same thing for the estate, but the bitterness had just grown so much they had refused to talk to each other about it," Parks recalled.
So he arranged a meeting with the entire family—both siblings, their mother and their attorneys. It was uncomfortable, but a point of agreement was quickly found: Everyone wanted the situation to improve. The problem was how to get there.
"We were in that room for most of the day," said Parks. "There were some rough words exchanged."
Parks persisted. He broke down the disputes into individual points. With all the issues laid out, he said, it became possible to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. But first, he had to listen to and understand each person's perspective—and get them to listen to one another. "You should then focus on the differences in their missions, visions, values and goals," said Parks. "Once you've determined these differences, you can draw the individuals together on accomplishing their goals through creative solutions. The key is to do it in alignment with their individual needs."
You may resolve one person's problem one way and another person's in another way, but if they both see it as a win—instead of "trying to argue or to convince somebody that they're wrong," he said—the shared goal of restoring a degree of harmony can be achieved. Once he'd demonstrated the process, it became easier. "Have them see what you're accomplishing through these methods, along with the strategy and tools you're using to address what they want," he suggested.
The siblings learned to work together. They began to trust each other. Years later, the reconciliation between them has only strengthened. "They do things together as a family now. Their children even vacation together!" said Parks. What's more, the siblings gave each other power of attorney over their assets and named each other as trustees of their trusts, roles typically given to spouses.