Behind every successful advisory firm there’s a strong partnership among the individuals who own, manage and lead the organization.

Each partner brings his or her own passion, experience, energy and capital to the business. Together they combine their talents for mutual success. But it’s also of critical importance for a successful organization to nurture these partnerships with careful attention.

Good relationships, after all, don’t grow on trees. They need work and cultivation. When partnerships are ignored, they can dissolve amid fighting, friction, aggravation, breakups—sometimes even cause an implosion of what was otherwise a good firm.

The two of us were partners for five years building Fusion Advisor Network, a group of more than 200 wonderful advisors who came together to share business resources. As we built the business together, we weathered the storm of business and personal challenges while growing the organization from the startup that Stuart conceived into a booming, productive and profitable business with 27 employees.

The point was to build a great business, but we also found that as partners, our personal relationship grew. At the same time, our families were growing, as were the many other challenges that come in life.

It’s been 10 years since we sold that business, but our bonds as partners, friends and confidants remain stronger than ever. To this day, we still meet regularly to brainstorm and share ideas, and we realized that we have learned a lot about partnerships and how they grow.

We thought it might be helpful now to share some of the things we learned—in order to help other partnerships flourish and evolve so they can manage great businesses and even better relationships.

Manage is a key word here. Many partners assume (or at least act like) their relationship will take care of itself as they focus on other things. But we suggest that every group, no matter how large or small, needs to spend some time managing it.

The Necessary And Sufficient Conditions
Most people assume that a partnership will work very much like a good friendship. We know from experience this isn’t the case. There were times when our friendship was strained and when we didn’t agree about business decisions. But even in those times, we never doubted each other as partners. In fact, we propose that you don’t need to be close friends. But you absolutely need three necessary and sufficient conditions: trust, respect and honest communication.

• Trust means you don’t doubt the motivation of your partner. That you never have to “watch your back” worrying a partner will take advantage of you. It means that even when we disagreed with each other, we knew the other person was trying to achieve the same goal, which was to make our business better. This always allowed us to “fight” over the issue at hand rather than fight each other. We also believe that the opposite is true. Without trust, there simply cannot be a good relationship.

Trust isn’t something you turn on or off. It is more like an account that either has a high positive balance (the ideal) or a low balance that can easily go into overdraft. A partner makes a “deposit” in the “trust account” when they do something unselfish, when they give up profit or status or a seat at the table to help their partner. A deposit is made when a partner takes on responsibilities they did not need to, when they rush to help someone who is struggling or when they “take a hit for the team.”

A “withdrawal,” meanwhile, is a selfish act or behavior. An act of disregard. It is a failure to control your own emotions or words that causes your partners to be uncomfortable or hurt.

The “trust account” needs to be managed actively. Every partner needs to remember to make deposits, because some withdrawals simply cannot be helped. Such is life and such is business.

• Respect means you rely on the expertise of your partners and see their decisions through with the underlying assumption they know what they’re doing. So if Philip observes Stuart doing or saying something he doesn’t understand, Philip perceives it first with the notion: “He must have a reason to do this,” instead of thinking, “He is wrong. I need to stop him.”

Respect requires confidence in the competence of your partners—and not just professional competence. You must also believe your partner will use their moral judgment well. They won’t just make good business decisions. They’ll also do the right thing.

• Communication is critical in any relationship. If you don’t voice concerns or if you aren’t transparent about the things that bother you, it can lead to future conflict, distrust and pent-up anger. A business partnership, like marriage, requires openness, compromise and listening, and if one partner doesn’t tell the other partner when things upset them, things can quickly escalate and go in the wrong direction. For this reason, we would highly recommend that partners meet regularly to share their feelings and talk honestly about how they are communicating and how they can better understand each other’s needs.

Partnership ‘Skills’
After you have established trust, communication and respect, there are a few “skills” you can bring to a good partnership.

• A spirit of camaraderie. This means you can cheer for each other and enjoy each other’s company both in the office and out. We encourage the partners we coach to get out of the office and share some experiences that bring them closer and aren’t about the business. For the two of us, it meant doing everything from skiing to mountain biking to lots of late nights brainstorming at a bar while enjoying ice cold beers and buffalo wings. It’s been proved that doing something fun, or something that makes you a bit more vulnerable, can also help you build trust. By sharing those “high five” moments and fun times, you create an incredible bond.

• “Lead me, follow me or get out of the way.” This is a quote from Gen. George S. Patton, the famous World War II commander, and we fully embrace the principle. Too many partnerships end up in conflict because there aren’t clearly defined parameters for which partner does what, and who the ultimate decision-makers should be in different areas. Businesses are built on decisions and actions, and even though the answers aren’t always 100% clear, decisions have to be made, trusted and acted on. So it’s a vital partnership skill to know whether to make a decision yourself or to get out of the way and let your partner do it. Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow. But no partner should ever be standing in the way, unwilling to let go of control. Nor should they be unwilling to step up and take responsibility. Being a leader means bearing that burden of decisiveness. The answer can never be, “I don’t know what to do, but I don’t want you doing it.”

• More shovels, fewer critics. It’s the rule of construction sites that there is always one guy with a shovel in the ditch digging while four guys with cigarettes dangling from their mouths say, “You are doing it wrong.” The same happens in every boardroom. One person brings an idea and a plan, and then four partners gang up on her to tell her all the reasons it won’t work. Constructive criticism and brainstorming are valuable and should be encouraged. But at the same time, a good partnership cultivates respect, rewards the person with the shovel and gently encourages others to join in and help out.

• Supportive enthusiasm. Listening skills are critical in partnerships. But many people don’t listen all that well; they’re usually just waiting to jump in with their own thoughts and tell you what they really want. In a healthy partnership, however, both parties listen with an open mind. If they have something to add or a different point of view, they tactfully find ways to contribute and improve the dialogue, rather than be dismissive and ignore other people’s ideas.

• Run the play we called in the huddle. We heard Sam Allred, the CEO and founder of the Upstream Academy, say this, though he might have been quoting one of the many great CPA firms he works with. The principle is that no matter what disagreements the partners have in the “huddle,” once the decision is made, we all support it the best we can—even if one or more of us didn’t like it. It’s impossible to always agree, but if the attitude is “We agreed to disagree,” then such passive aggression will sap the group’s energy and kill constructive change. The ability to instead unite around the plan, no matter what, when it finally emerges is vital for the success of a business.

• “Putting the fish on the table.” This is an Italian expression and it means bringing up difficult issues in a relationship. The origins of the expression might have been among the fishmongers in Southern Italy, a reminder that they shouldn’t deal from under the counter. It’s vital that people can bring up difficult issues to their partners and feel secure in how the problems will be handled. Without the open dialogue, resentment grows “in the dark” and relationships suffer. As every kid knows, the monsters under the bed only exist in the dark. Once you turn on the light, they go back into hiding.

• Sparring. To train without hurting each other, boxers “spar”—a form of fighting in which you throw punches, but perhaps not as hard as you can. (If a boxer otherwise fought too hard while training, they would never make it to competition since they would be injured, bloodied or concussed.) Sparring means that you don’t go after your partner when you hurt them but rather let them catch their breath. It’s more about learning than winning.

It’s also a vital skill for business partners, a way of arguing passionately and even letting your emotions into an argument, but never hurting your partner, whom you never attack personally. Instead, you attack the issues. Again, you’re putting the fish on the table, dealing with difficult decisions or even interpersonal dynamics without damaging your fundamental relationship.

• Always support your partner. No matter what the disagreements are, you must always support and never undermine your partner, especially in front of the team. It’s a bit like Dad criticizing Mom in front of the kids. It’s toxic and damaging to them. The same is true in an organization: Disagreements can and should be voiced and debated in the proper setting, but partners undermining each other is not a healthy option.

Every large firm we know is led by a group of people who come together to build something they are passionate about. Whether they use the term “partner” or not is irrelevant. If you are in business together and you are jointly responsible for the success of the organization, you are partners.

In our experience, it’s the advisors in good partnerships having the best time and enjoying their work the most (even beyond the financial success of the enterprise). They are happier and find more fulfillment in their work. On the other hand, the advisors we know who are miserable are most of the time fighting with their colleagues.

But these good matches don’t just happen. They require hard work, sincerity and the gradual and systematic building of trust and mutual respect.

Philip Palaveev is the CEO of the Ensemble Practice LLC. He’s an industry consultant, author of the books G2: Building the Next Generation and The Ensemble Practice and the lead faculty member for the G2 Leadership Institute.

Stuart Silverman is the CEO of Bluespring Wealth Partners.