You will attend parties and social events between now and the end of the year. Some people know you are a financial advisor. Others do not. You have heard plenty of horror stories about advisors behaving badly. They often come on too strong. On the other hand, you might be in front of someone you always wanted to meet but could never reach through business channels. How do you have a conversation with a stranger?
Step one is meeting them. You might be attending a community event and have a “wish list” of major figures you want to meet. Maybe you are attending a private party with no idea who else has been invited. The first step to having a conversation is meeting someone. There are four ways you can make this happen.
1. Find a friend, ask for an introduction. This is the social version of “Phone a friend” from Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?”
2. Ask a friend. You see someone you know but everyone else is an unknown quantity. You ask them: “Is there anyone here you think I should meet?” They will likely walk you over to at least one person.
3. The friend in common. This is the real-life version of the LinkedIn second level connection. You know that person has a connection with you absent friend. You walk up and say: “I think we have a friend in common.” They ask who.
4. The cold approach is OK. If none of the above work, it is fine walking up to someone and starting with “You don’t know me…” You introduce yourself and take it from there.
Step two is the icebreaker questions. Most conversations with strangers start with “Where do you live” and “What do you do?” The first is pretty easy. There is no point in being vague. It’s likely you are both local. The second question gives you the opportunity to be more creative. You want your answer to be short. “What do you do” is not a buying signal. They might not care but ran out of other questions to ask.
Step three is reading the room. In the case, “the room” is the person standing across from you. They might erect barriers, saying “I already work with someone.” You might counter with “I expected that.” They might show no reaction or go silent. You need to know when not to press business. They might ask a business-related question like “What do you think of the market?” At this point you can take the conversation in one of three directions.
Option One is changing the subject. You sense they are hostile. About a year ago, I was chatting with someone on a cruise and they suddenly said: “I am not looking for a financial advisor right now.” Instead of wondering how we got there and trying to unwind the conversation, the easiest thing to do is change the subject. Find safe ground. We were standing in an art gallery. Art was a safe subject.
Option Two is drawing them out. They mentioned they worked with someone, but it was said in a polite, casual way. You might ask the name of the firm. In most cases, a good response is to add they are a fine firm. How long have they worked with their advisor? What do you like best about them? If they name a few attributes, congratulate them on having a good advisor. If they ask stock market related questions you answer, but otherwise you look for an area of common interest.
Option Three is establishing yourself as the alternative. This is rarer, but sometimes an opportunity presents itself. It’s a divorce situation. Maybe a partner died. Maybe the advisor retired. Maybe their advisor seems inattentive. You don’t want to come on too strong. Unless they seem ready to sit down and unburden themselves (which is unlikely) you can mention you would be glad to listen. This isn’t the first time you have come across this situation. You have helped others. This isn’t the time or the place to talk, because this is a confidential matter. (You have introduced a benefit.) You suggest talking in the next day or so. You get contact information.
Step four is establishing your social credentials. Ideally you want to come across as “one of us,” someone who is comfortable in these social situations. You want to be likeable, because people often do business with people they like. I have found travel is a great bridge building topic. Restaurant preferences are good too. If you are at an organization event, ask about their connection to the group. If you are at a private party, ask how they know the host.
Step five is knowing when to stop. Have you ever attended a party where you met someone and they attached themselves to you, trailing you around the room? That’s not you, but you don’t want to get to that awkward moment when the other person says: “It was nice meeting you” and walks away. You want to make the first move. Acknowledge there are other people standing around, looking like they want to talk with this person. Spot someone across the room you want to see and use that as your excuse. P. T. Barnum and others have been credited with the saying, “Always leave them wanting more.”
Step six is reconnecting. When might you see them again? If this is a monthly meeting and they are an officer in the group, they probably attend every meeting. You will see them in four weeks. If you think it is unlikely your paths will cross again, (it might be a holiday party) circle back before leaving. Most events have certain bottlenecks. If it’s a charity gala, this might be the checkout desk where you pay for your auction purchases. It might be the coat check line or the car valet station. Arrange to cross paths Thank them for talking earlier. Mention your shared interests. This often impresses them because it shows you were listening. Mention you would like to keep in touch. Ask: “How do I do that?” Stop talking. See what they suggest. They might volunteer contact information. This is better than first pressing a business card on them. Let them make the first move. You respond.
You will have many opportunities to make connections over the holidays. Be bold!
Bryce Sanders is president of Perceptive Business Solutions Inc. He provides HNW client acquisition training for the financial services industry. His book, “Captivating the Wealthy Investor” is available on Amazon.