Who says financial advisors can’t have fun?

At the recent BNY Mellon Pershing Insite18 conference held in Orlando, comedian and former Tonight Show host Jay Leno regaled the audience with a wide-ranging stand-up routine.

Leno, who hosted NBC’s Tonight Show With Jay Leno from 1992 to 2009 without missing an episode, talked about his early working years as a used car salesman at a Ford dealership and his start in comedy in dark strip clubs where the audience was looking at the naked women and not at him.

He also lent his comedic talents to a number of topics.

• I went into the Apple store for another $29 11-inch charge cord for my iPhone 6. The clerk said, “You need the 10th anniversary iPhone.”  How much is it? “$1,000.” I didn’t spend $1,000 on my 10th wedding anniversary. The 10th anniversary phone has a new, improved camera. How much camera do you need on your phone? What are you using this thing for? Colonoscopies?

• Competitive eating is now a sport in this country. They cover it on ESPN. This is the only country in the world where eating 300 chicken wings makes you an athlete. Competitive eating is the only sport where marijuana is considered a performance enhancing drug. Don’t you find that ironic? Competitive eating is a sport yet somehow we still can’t quite accept soccer. A lot of Americans think soccer is boring, but I watched the last round of the World Cup and for the first half hour the score was zero to zero. I tell you I turned my head away for just one hour and Iran wins one to nothing.

• There’s an annoying trend right now. Some advertisers, especially on cable, want you to get to know the non-celebrity spokesperson. There’s one now: Bob is 68 years old. Bob has hemorrhoids. Learn more about Bob’s story at Hemmeroids.com. I don’t want to know Bob’s story. How empty is my life that I would even go to this website? If I want to see hemorrhoids I can just go to the bathroom and use a hand mirror. And now they say marijuana can cure hemmeriods. If you think you can cure hemorrhoids using marijuana, someone is just blowing smoke up you ass.

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