I’m fascinated by how the brain works. How it helps us process information, make critical decisions, avoid problems, be outgoing or creative, and engage with others. As many of you know, these various functions stem from different sides of the brain and have resulted in a centuries long suggestion that people have right-brain or left-brain tendencies. Inclinations or personality traits that cause us to act and think a certain way based on ones more dominant hemisphere of the brain.

So-called left brained people are described as being logical, analytical, and detail-oriented. They tend to be objective and factual, so they are good at math, engineering and other fact-based tasks and careers. Right brained people are considered creative, perceptive, intuitive, and freethinkers. Their perspective and approach are more subjective and expressive, so they’re associated with creative tasks and careers.

All very interesting information, but it’s simply not true. The right brain/left brain concept is myth rooted in old and outdated information. What research actually proves is that different sides of the brain are responsible for different tasks, we use both sides equally, meaning logic and creativity are not separate or exclusive.

This myth busting reality is valuable for the financial services industry because for decades we have allowed a similar type-split to dominate our industry. For decades we have been trained to believe that the financial side is more dominant and valuable. That it’s the primary engine to a successful life after work. But nothing could be further from the truth and it’s time to not only level the playing field but also prepare advisors for the major industry changes coming as a result.

This “need” for the two different sides to work together highlights one of the biggest voids in traditional retirement planning. The fact that there is no universal definition of a successful retirement. Take a moment to process that. There is no single bast way to define a successful retirement.

Now many people will say, a good or strong retirement is one that has a financial plan, ample savings, the right asset allocation, safe withdrawal rate, essential estate planning documents, and the right insurance coverages. Which logic suggests is a good start. But quite frankly, if you have all that right financial pieces but are unhealthy, alone and watching TV all day, or turn to alcohol or other drugs to deal with problems, intuition suggests that retirement won’t feel good or be very meaningful. Which is why is so important for professionals as well as industry firms to realize the hard side needs the soft side and the soft side needs the hard side.

One way for advisors to see how this blending can work is to take a stereotypical couple where one spouse has a penchant for the dollars and cents and the other prefers to focus on filling the social calendar, keeping family close, and getting out and experiencing new and different things.

On paper, this sounds like a perfect match where each spouse helps balance the other out. That is until they meet with their advisor. The issue at hand is that the spouse who’s focused on the money tends to be considered more important, valuable or dominant in these meetings because that’s what financial advisors have been taught to focus on. The more personal side has received little to no discussion and doesn’t come with a process to develop a concrete written plan for how they will replace their work identities, fill their time, stay relevant and connected, as well as keep mentally and physically active.

That’s been left for clients to figure out on their own and one of the reasons I feel gray divorce will continue to climb and while more and more people will fail as they make the transition from work life to home life. It’s a void that professionals can no longer avoid or put on the back burner simply because you’re going to start losing clients over it.

I recently had a couple who moved their money from a large well-known firm where multiple family members held money and they were receiving a discounted asset management rate as a result. They did it for one simple reason, the spouse who leaned more towards the non-financial factors didn’t like how the advisor made her feel and she often felt left out of the conversation.

In a similar case, I had a widow leave a long-time advisor her deceased husband had used for decades before his passing. She left because in her words, “He only wanted to talk about money.”

I think the biggest wake-up call I can give advisors is there is a difference between what some clients want to talk about and what they want to know. Clients want to talk about their kids, grandkids, dog or cat, latest health aliment, or new favorite restaurant, show, or hobby. Furthermore, they want to engage with you on not only what is going on in their life, but also yours. This is one way that clients can feel more connected to you.

At a recent breakfast meeting, a husband and wife talked about their dog and new backyard landscape for over 25 minutes. I didn’t rush them. In fact, I drew it out. I asked how their dog got along with other dogs in the neighborhood which led to a discussion about the obnoxious dog next store and nosey neighbors. Additionally, they shared that they designed part of the landscape with a sand box for “Mr. Bojangles” to dig but often keep it covered at night, so neighborhood cats don’t use it as a litter box. I countered by sharing a couple stories about our rescue dog and how I gave him the nickname Pinocchio because he things he’s a real boy.

Later as I began to go over their portfolio they stopped me after I covered just two of their four accounts by saying, “We trust you and think you’re doing a great job.” Primarily because they had other things they wanted to talk about like their RV and planned trip to Florida.

Now don’t get me wrong, I realize some clients may want to spend more time on the financials, but don’t confuse what they want to know and what they want to talk about because even engineers have hobbies and interests outside of spreadsheets.

This simple idea of being able to differentiate between what clients want to talk about and what to know goes a couple steps further. First, it means you have to break some old and outdated molds. Client meetings can no longer be limited to 45 minutes or an hour. They need to be scheduled for 1.5 hours with 20-30-minute buffers before the next meeting.

That may sound and feel outright insane for some advisors, especially those with large client counts. But here’s the thing. Clients, especially those more in tuned with the non-financial side know when you are rushing them or just want to hurry up and get through the numbers.

For people to feel relaxed and like you are listening to them and taking an interest in them takes time. In other words, advisors have to invest in their client’s non-financial life and the easiest way to do this and get the greatest return is to be curious about them. We have all heard the famous sales line to ABC or Always Be Closing, but in the new era of retirement, it’s Always Be Curious because both the hard side and soft side need equal time and effort in client meetings.

Overall, advisors can no longer operate under the old and outdated idea that the hard side, dollars and cents is the dominant side of the retirement planning process. Going forward, they need to operate under a new mandate that not only focuses on planning for both the personal and financial side of life after work, but also invest more time and energy in what clients want to talk about rather than just know.

Robert Laura is a best-selling author, nationally syndicated columnist, and president of Wealth & Wellness Group. He is a seasoned conference speaker, corporate trainer, and founder of The Certified Professional Retirement Coach Designation which focuses on the non-financial aspects of life after work. He can be reached at [email protected].