No couple, straight or gay, wants to spend time discussing the possible distribution of assets in a divorce when the “big day” is looming. But having open, honest discussions with each other and with their advisors about money—and putting an agreement into place that codifies those discussions in the form of a prenuptial agreement—can play an important role in helping couples get their marriage off to a strong start.

For same-sex couples, especially those who have decided to wed in the wake of the landmark Supreme Court decision Obergefell vs. Hodges, prenups can help establish the marriage on a solid financial and emotional footing. Many of these couples may have had separate assets all their lives and are now facing difficult decisions about whether to merge their finances or keep them separate, as well as how they intend to share expenses as a married couple.

That’s why it is critical that advisors encourage their LGBT clients to have thoughtful discussions about marriage plans and formal prenups, especially couples with substantial assets or differences in income or assets. Research has shown that same-sex joint tax filers tend to have higher income and are more likely to live in metropolitan areas and high-income/high-cost-of-living coastal states than opposite sex filers. The more there is at stake, the more critical a prenup becomes.

Division Of Assets

Take the example of a same-sex couple that lives a prosperous lifestyle, has largely merged assets over 20 years, and has kept very meticulous financial records. The couple is living in a property owned by one of the partners or largely relying on income earned by one party’s business, but the relationship has been stable for decades. This theoretical couple is probably unlikely to consider a prenup without prompting. The common thinking goes, “I've been living with this person for 20 years. There’s no possibility of divorce, so why do we need to talk about a prenup?"

But in the event of a divorce, defining marital properly is by no means black and white. This is because under law, assets accumulated before marriage are not considered marital property. The couple may feel that certain assets belongs to one party or the other, especially when there's an income disparity or one partner owns the house or business. Conversely, they may think, "We worked hard to put together these assets together over 20 years, so everything belongs to both of us.”

Absent a written agreement, neither of these perspectives will be of much help should the marriage end. Untangling these thorny questions is one of the primary purposes of a prenup. In divorce, courts have the responsibility of dividing property, and they can only divide marital property based on negotiation and any guidance provided by pre-divorce planning. A prenup serves as a contract that the court can enforce to determine thorny issues, such as the dispensation of real estate and the share of a business to which each spouse is entitled.

Lifestyle Expectations And Spending Habits

Though same-sex parenting, adoption and foster parenting is on the rise, only 23% of lesbians and 7% of gay men are financially responsible for a child under age 18, resulting in more disposable income for those without children. According to the same study, 48% of LGBT respondents categorized themselves as “spenders” vs. “savers,” as compared to 32% of straight couples, largely because the support of a dependent child plays such as massive role in the availability of disposable income.

Regardless of sexual orientation, the biggest issue for spenders is whether they are fully funding for retirement. Advisors working with spenders—whether individuals or couples—on investment or prenup planning should ask direct questions such as:

• How do you manage your finances?

• What are your levels of credit card debt or student loan debt?

• How are you going to use assets that are earned during marriage to pay down debt?

• If the party with higher income is helping to pay down loans for the other party, how will debt be managed in the event of a divorce?

Prenuptial discussions should also encompass a broader discussion of spending habits. Is one prospective spouse a spendthrift and the other a saver? If so, what does that mean when finances are merged together? Couples that have been together for years will likely have a better handle on this than younger couples, who may be fully disclosing their finances for the first time.

What About The Kids?

Though child support is not typically covered by prenuptial agreements, adoption by gay couples can factor into pre-marriage planning, especially when one partner is the biological parent or only one has gone through the adoption process. Advisors working with same-sex couples who have adopted or are considering adopting may need to discuss whether it makes sense for both parents to have formal parental rights and seek the help of an adoption attorney. Similarly, single parents who used surrogacy to have a child and then decide to get married should discuss the involvement of the partner in the parenting of the child.

If the dependent child is only going to be formally adopted by one parent, it is a good idea to outline that agreement in a prenup. Prenups can also play an important role in outlining the payment of education costs for dependent children. As with child support payments, courts can disregard child support agreements in prenups if they feel alternate arrangements are in the best interest of the child or if the financial circumstances of one or both parents have changed.

Alimony And Tax Law

One final area that advisors and couples who are considering prenups should be examining is the recent change in federal law regarding alimony taxation. Under the new law, alimony is no longer deductible by the payor, and it is no longer considered income to the payee. Those who have existing prenups with alimony provisions should be reviewing their agreements to verify that the payments still make sense financially. Likewise, those considering adding alimony provisions to a new prenup should keep the new tax law in mind.

Prenup conversations are never easy, regardless of the client’s sexual orientation. It is critical that advisors working with same-sex couples on prenups frame the conversation as protecting both parties to the marriage and not as an adversarial exercise. It’s also important to emphasize that no prenup is written in stone. Married partners can always alter or dissolve the agreement. The ultimate goal of any prenup is greater financial clarity and a stronger marriage bond.

Bruce Hoffmeister is vice president and wealth strategist at Wilmington Trust. He is responsible for developing and implementing financial, estate and wealth transfer plans for high-net-worth families and entrepreneurs. He has more than two decades of experience in estate and financial planning for high-net-worth families and owners of closely held businesses.