One of the hardest things for financial professionals to do is make retirement planning discussions more personal. I know this because it’s what I get paid to do—teach others how to move from pure financial questions to discussions about emotional matters so that they can deepen their client relationships.

Earlier this year, I spent a full 10 hours training a group of advisors on what I call the “Power 20.” This is a list of 20 questions and answers advisors can use to overcome the difficulties they might have switching gears to a more holistic approach.

To my surprise, the advisors in the session took to the questions like ducks to water. We spent time identifying the goals of each question and building a framework to help clients think more deeply about the non-financial side of retirement. Then we took time to role-play and help the attendees feel more comfortable in these new situations. I was a little surprised at the responses I got to the questions. I expected some pushback or worries from advisors about what would happen if they got too personal with their clients. But the overwhelming response was, “We are doing a disservice if we aren’t using information like this.”

Before I became a financial advisor, I knew very little about money or investing. I grew up a blue-collar kid in Detroit, and my only financial guidance was that money doesn’t grow on trees. Before I became a financial professional, I decided to start trading some hot internet stocks in the late ’90s. The good news is that the $200 I scrapped together almost doubled in two weeks. I decided to lock in my gains and sell the portfolio. However, back then it was only $10 to buy a stock and $15 to sell it. In the end, the trading fees not only ate a portion of my initial investment but basically chewed up most of my profits from the sale. No doubt, I wish someone would have sat down with me and explained the finer details of the investment world.

The same holds true for the non-financial aspects of retirement; both advisors and clients need to be trained or walked down this new path so they not only understand it but also apply it.

So I want to share an abbreviated version of my power questions. Here I offer five of them to help financial professionals wake up to the potential they have to impact a client’s personal life and legacy.

1. Do you think we need to retire the word “retirement”?
Talk about a simple layup question to get the ball rolling. Right now, more than ever, people don’t like the word “retirement.” They assume it means done, old, out to pasture and irrelevant. A set of images no retiree wants to be attached to. Therefore, by simply asking clients’ opinion on such a hot and pressing topic, you will not only get a glimpse into what they don’t like about the image of aging, but also a sense of what their definition of retirement is.

2. How will you know if you are winning in retirement?
This is one of my favorite questions because most people, including advisors, have no idea about how to answer it. Which is the whole point—it gets people thinking in different terms about life after work. We all know how to win at work, golf and volleyball, or maybe even at our health and relationships. But helping a client understand how to win at retirement is better than the magic of compounding interest. Hint: It has very little to do with money.

3. How has Covid served as a precursor for what retirement might look and feel like?
This is a good question for those of you who need training wheels for these types of conversations. It won’t shock the clients into silence or confusion. Unlike the previous question, this one will have most clients offering an immediate answer, though it may not be what you expect. All too often, we have heard the horror stories of being in lockdown and spending 24 hours a day with a spouse, kids or annoying neighbor, and clients will likely readily give you their own experiences.

Some couples and families, of course, have thrived through the pandemic and grown closer. People who once thought they would travel more in retirement may now feel differently about it because of the last couple of years. Either way, their answers will give you extra insight into what makes them tick and gives them happiness.

4. What would be your guess about why some people fail at retirement?
Knowing how to win at retirement isn’t enough. Advisors and clients also need to know why people fail at it, and the harsh reality is, the main reason isn’t financial. It’s personal. In fact, most human misery is self-inflicted and not economic in nature. They might feel a loss of identity, they might feel isolated. They might be watching too much TV or drinking every day. Whatever it is, if you can raise a client’s awareness about these common problems and traps, it will go a long way in helping them stay happy, healthy and connected.

5. Most people are aware of what they will gain in retirement, but what will they lose?
The question nudges the conversation a bit further and highlights one of the biggest issues with retirement: The fact that you lose more than you gain. Yes, clients are looking forward to more freedom and time, but they are losing routine, social interactions, mental stimulation, physical activity and more. All of these things need to be replaced with something else, otherwise the dark side to retirement creeps in and causes people to regress or fail in their transitions.

The key opportunity for advisors here is not just to ask a few questions, but to offer a discussion, and thus position themselves as expert in more than just financial things.

Not ‘One And Done’
But don’t kid yourself. Five questions aren’t enough. This discussion isn’t “one and done.” Non-financial discussions need to become a natural part of the meeting process every time a client comes to you so that you continue to build rapport and deepen the relationship. That being said, these soft skills might feel to some of you like a sharp thorn in your side. Some advisors don’t mind getting personal, but they don’t want to become a client’s therapist or counselor.

I totally agree. So instead of going back to school for a master’s in social work, I suggest you use regular non-financial content to support your future planning conversations. I have been doing this for about 10 years by simply writing a non-financial article (about 400 words long) on the back of my monthly newsletter.

Take this story I used a little while back:

“It looks so nice … good call on the new mirrors,” is what I said to my wife. We had recently moved into a new home, and one of her first design changes was to remove a long, gaudy mirror in our bathroom. She wanted to replace it with two new ones that were much more her style.

Then next morning, I grabbed my shaving cream and was set to lather up my face when I was confronted with an unexpected situation. I couldn’t see my reflection in the mirror. We only had one sink and without giving it much thought, we placed the two new mirrors on either side of it.

I called out to my wife laughing. “You’re not going to believe this,” I said. “We put the mirrors in a place I can’t see to shave.” We both sat there dumbfounded that it didn’t cross our minds when we were hanging the mirrors.

If any of you have taken on a design or remodel project, then you know where this is going. The plan wasn’t to take down the new mirrors and put the ugly one back up. Instead, she wanted a second sink and a new countertop. Like that, we went from a small makeover to a full-blown renovation.

This is important for a couple reasons. First, many people approach retirement like it’s a small makeover, when in fact it’s a major and costly renovation. There are no simple fixes or easy replacements. Furthermore, it takes time and a lot of effort to make a successful transition … and as many of you know, when it comes to construction, one problem can lead to another, causing delays and extra costs. This is exactly what happens to people in retirement.

There are a couple of key points to consider here. First, the story gives my clients a glimpse into my personal life, which creates connection. Second, I use stories like this as a metaphor for retirement with the goal of getting clients to think differently on their own, and then as an easy way for us to have something non-financial to talk about when they come in. That way I don’t need 100 preset questions ready or have to stress about what non-financial topic we’re going to discuss every time they come in. I can simply use my personal life to make connections with them.

Overall, there is a significant shift taking place in the financial services industry. Clients are ready to take their advisory relationships to the next level and include more aspects of their personal life. Proactive advisors will develop new skills to not only lead the charge and change our industry for the better but also to have a deeper, more personal impact on a client’s life and legacy.  

Robert Laura is a best-selling author, nationally syndicated columnist, and president of Wealth & Wellness Group. He is a seasoned conference speaker, corporate trainer and pioneer in “The New Era Of Retirement,” which focuses on the non-financial aspects of life after work. He can be reached at [email protected].