Drew’s Story

Recently both Drew’s parents were killed in an accident, leaving Drew with a sudden and life-changing inheritance. Engaged to be married soon, Drew finds that his feelings about what to do with the money keep changing. One day he favors putting it all into a joint account that he and his fiancée will both use. The next he’s convinced that the money should all be in his name. On yet another day, he considers giving his fiancée some portion of the funds, but he can’t make up his mind how much.

Rinse and repeat.

Drew’s financial advisor, witnessing Drew’s frequent changes of heart and direction, resists the urge to smack her forehead in frustration, but she advises Drew to just do nothing for now. He’s obviously not ready to make any firm decisions.

More To The Story

While Drew’s advisor is correct in her assessment that Drew isn’t ready to make important (especially irrevocable) decisions, there are some problems with her “prescription” for Drew to do nothing. Those problems become apparent when we consider the human elements of Drew’s story.

Drew is living a transition that includes dealing with the death of two parents and managing a significant inheritance, all while embarking on a new lifelong commitment. Like most of us, he has been socialized to come up with ready and resolute answers, then stick with them as a supposed show of strength and stability. And while Drew really isn’t sure what he should do, doing nothing seemingly flies in the face of that social construct. He’s struggling and waffling because he feels both self-imposed and outside pressure to do something—especially now that he has important new commitments to others.

The Truth About Shifting Positions

As financial transitionists, we know that Drew’s inconsistent behavior, like that often displayed by others experiencing their own life changes, is normal. Wavering, shifting positions and changing one’s mind are not character flaws. They are a part of the natural landscape of transition.

If anything, inconsistent behavior is an essential reminder that what the client needs most is to rest, pause and take his or her own time to “figure it out” (FIO). We owe it to our clients to normalize this FIO process for them, to understand their “wobbliness,” and to support them, while allowing them as long as it takes to find firmer ground—understanding that “as long as it takes” could well be more than a year.

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