Sometimes, client relationships take a dramatic turn. Recently, one of my clients revealed he has been diagnosed with prostate cancer and was undergoing radiation treatments. Additionally, his wife, who retired a month prior, is now dealing with lung cancer and is not expected to survive beyond six months. That’s when the smiles, jovial behavior and normal conversations about grandkids and golf evaporated.
If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, when a client's circumstances change his or her retirement in a shocking fashion, the way you respond can make a major difference in both your client’s overall well-being and in your practice.
Right away, I could see and feel the angst in my client. Not only is he having to adjust to his wife now being home with him every day, he also faces everything that comes with being and helping a cancer patient: endless phone calls to doctors and insurance companies … weekly travel to his own time-consuming radiation treatments … scheduling and chauffeuring his wife to her many appointments … and duties as a full-time caregiver to a spouse who is not herself for at least a week after chemo treatments, and doesn’t want to be around family and friends because of effects on her overall appearance.
So what should an advisor say and do when a client discloses a life-changing event? More important, what shouldn’t he or she say or do? I am fortunate in that I was a social worker before becoming a financial professional, which provided essential training for situations like this, but I also wanted to take things a step further so I reached out to cancer survivors and therapists for their suggestions on how an advisor should react when a client reveals this kind of major life change.
In this particular case, I shared my immediate thinking and feelings. “I’m sorry to hear about both you and your wife,” I said. “I can’t imagine what you must be going through.” His reply made me comfortable enough to ask how he was coping, and suffice it to say he didn’t proceed to paint a beautiful picture. Instead of depicting love-filled moments with long, heartwarming embraces, he shared a variety of frustrations and even anger at the situation. The reality is, events like these are filled with ups and downs, and this was his opportunity to vent what he was thinking and feeling. Imagine: A couple has spent a lifetime working, saving and planning for the easy, stress-free life of retirement, only to discover that it’s become anything but that.
As Dr. Alicia H. Clark, a licensed clinical psychologist from Washington, D.C., points out, “A cancer diagnosis can be traumatic and it’s OK to acknowledge a person feeling out of control, broken or betrayed.” “It isn’t fair,” she concedes. Within the context of retirement, especially, which most people spend a lifetime working towards. “It’s helpful,” says Clark, “to recognize that with a client and let them start to accept and move beyond the initial diagnosis.”
The most important thing is to not give advice or dwell on any negative implications inherent in the situation. “Immediately telling them what they need or should do is overwhelming, and can be disempowering,” says Clark. Never, for example, tell them they need to see this or that doctor, or how someone you know was supposed to die from cancer, but took some alternative medicine and is now in remission. “The last thing the patient wants to think about is another doctor’s appointment or extra step in an already complicated process,” adds Clark. Eventually, there may be a time for these kinds of discussions, but during the initial conversation, your advice should be limited to your area of expertise: financial matters.
As with most sensitive discussions, the second phase is to ask how you can help. It’s ingrained in most of us to say something like, “How can I help?” or “Let me know if there is something that I can do for you,” but surprisingly that may not be what some people want to hear. Katherine Woodfield Hermes, author and health care advocate, is not only a cancer survivor but also faced this situation when her husband was dying from complication of diabetes. “My life was a swirl; I called it the carnival swirl because it was as if I was on a ride that wouldn’t stop… and it didn’t for six months. The whole time, people would ask, ‘How can I help?’ But I didn’t know how to answer them because life was so fast and erratic.” Heartbreakingly, she noted that her kids slept with her for months in fear that, if they didn’t, they would lose her, too.
Dr. Carolyn Daitch, a cancer survivor, author and director of the Center for Treatment of Anxiety Disorders in Farmington Hills, Mich., recommends being specific with offers to help. Be specific about which days you will transport patients to treatment facilities, or the actual day you will bring over dinner or clean their house. “It’s a great way to make a positive impact,” says Daitch.
Anita Pool, a survivor of both ovarian and breast cancer, adds, “Once I got to the point where I knew I couldn’t do it all myself, I realized that people really do want to help. They get a lot of satisfaction out of it, so in a sense accepting their help actually helped them feel better, too.”
Comments like Pool’s are invaluable. In our industry, we’re all looking for that thing that will make us better and different. Giving advice, or sharing another professional’s comments, may not fit into every conversation with a client who is facing life-altering circumstances. But sharing relevant points of view in a blog post, social media or newsletter can deliver more value than just another stock or bond tip. In the most recent issue of my Naked Retirement newsletter, I do just that. I reveal that the most interesting thing I learned this week is how accepting help can create positive karma. Admittedly, I’m one of those people who are hesitant to accept help of any kind, but Smith’s insight changed my perception. Her simple statement put a fresh spin on a troubled time in someone’s life and those around them. Since, for the most part, advisors don’t drive clients around, cook or clean for them, the challenge is to be able to adjust our skill levels and expertise to match the situation.
My client’s disclosure about his cancer didn’t require an immediate portfolio change, or the need to bombarding him with time-sensitive financial decisions. I did, however, want him to understand the cash-flow flexibility we could create, and that I stood ready to run numbers, make calls or discuss options whenever he felt in need of counsel on money matters. Having a strategy/philosophy in place before being confronted by people facing their own mortality will provide not only you with peace of mind, but clients as well.
Many costs related to treating the seriously ill depend on the patient’s medical insurance limits and proximity to treatment facilities. (Long drives to and from chemo or radiation centers increase costs.) Be ready to help clients find the funds necessary for higher out-of-pocket expenses, such as co-pays, prescriptions and medical equipment not covered by insurance, and experimental or non-traditional medicine. It may be the best thing an advisor can do to help those who will do whatever is necessary to alleviate a bad situation.
Whether it's cancer or another serious medical challenge, advisors should be open to adjusting the client’s holdings, particularly in favor of liquidity. It may mean not re-investing dividends, changing from a model to a non-model portfolio, digging into a contract to identify penalty or tax-free withdrawal amounts and timing, or limiting 401(k) contributions in order to redirect funds to other savings accounts. Regardless of method, be prepared to alter your focus from helping a client plan for the future to improving their current well-being.
When a client’s retirement plan suddenly changes, it’s important for advisors to know how to handle both the initial discussion and subsequent planning conversations. By being genuine, present and offering clients an opportunity to share what they’re thinking and feeling, advisors can create the space for the relationship to strengthen and grow. Demonstrating empathy, avoiding advice on doctors or medications, and sticking to your area of expertise are what’s most needed by clients who face suddent changes in retirement.
P.S. Have you had a similar or different experience with cancer or another major life change for a client? I’d like to hear how it went and what worked. Leave a comment or e-mai me. Also, be sure to check out my previous articles at FA here as well as my free guide, Three Things No One Tells You About Retirement.
Follow Robert Laura on Twitter @robertlaura. He is the president of SYNEGOS Financial group, co-founder of RetirementProject.org, and author of Naked Retirement. He can be reached at [email protected].