When it comes to life in retirement, certain things can hold clients back. Some things discolor relationships, and others present inevitable challenges they must face as their life shifts from the workplace to their own space. Advisors who help prepare clients to break free of these chains, clean-up their relationship stains, and alleviate the pains of retirement provide a solid track for clients to hit retirement in full stride and to make the most out of every moment.

The chains of retirement are things that limit or inhibit a client’s successful transition from work to home. As you might expect, one of the strongest and most difficult retirement chains to break is a client’s link to the things that the workplace provides. For many retirees, work was the main source for their friendships, daily physical activity and even self-esteem. Therefore, it’s important for advisors to help clients recognize the need to have these same things outside of work.

When it comes to relationships, I have found that men struggle the most with continuing their work friendships out of the workplace. They may hang out with the same group of guys for years, but never see or plan something outside of work that fosters a relationship beyond what takes place between 9 to 5.  Then they retire and realize they no longer have lunch buddies or pals to commiserate with, ultimately becoming overly dependent on their spouse and her friends or the couch and TV.

Advisors can create awareness around this workplace issue by simply identifying it as a concern, or as an obstacle to a successful retirement. Most soon-to-be retirees have no idea how this is going to impact them. Whenever I broach this subject in my Naked Retirement workshops, attendees unfailingly remark that they’ve never thought about this kind of stuff. For guys, I encourage them to find a car show or high-school sporting event to invite a work friend to. For women, inviting a work friend to a dinner out or shopping seems to work well as a relationship ice breaker. It’s not rocket science, or something advisors need extensive knowledge about. It’s just a matter of addressing the reality of leaving the workplace, suggesting that it can be an issue, and recommending clients start looking for opportunities to break the chain that tied them to their work.

There’s also a work chain related to a person’s physical activity and self-confidence. Whether it’s a long walk in from the parking lot, climbing stairs to a meeting, or a busy schedule that doesn’t allow time for snacks, people often rely upon work for exercise and to limit calories. If new retirees fail to break this chain of reliance, they can quickly find themselves carrying more weight and huffing and puffing after something as simple as getting the mail.

Regular deadlines, sales calls and annual reviews kept a lot of formerly employed clients disciplined and accountable. That chain too needs to be shattered, and a new framework structured, so that retirees can continue to feel good about themselves and the value they bring to the world. Simply asking a client, “What are you going to retire to?” empowers them to create some structure and goals to work towards instead of allowing the three most dangerous aspects of retirement to take root: boredom, laziness and loneliness. 

The stains brought to retirement are situations, events and feelings that inhibit or discolor our relationships with family and friends. Whether it's guilt, shame, anger or sadness, people tend to carry these stains with them into retirement instead of removing them and starting retirement with a clean slate.

Again, advisors don’t need to become therapists or rehash a client’s psychosocial history. Instead, they just need to provide some insight, some framework, for clients to use and grow.

To help people identify stains they may be carrying into retirement, ask clients, “What’s the one thing you hope no one ever finds out about your retirement plan?”  Or, “What retirement conversations are you avoiding?”  Ask the questions rhetorically, suggesting it’s a simple way to pinpoint some of their biggest concerns they have heading into retirement … and that retirement by itself will not take it away or make it any better. Clients need to understand that there’s nothing magical about retirement (see my FA Video on the topic). Problems -- especially complex feelings -- don’t just go away. In fact, they’re likely to get bigger and worse because a retiree has more time to dwell on them, and less distractions to keep them at bay.

To help clients manage retirement stains, I simply share one of my own valuable life lessons. Years ago I received some wise counsel that forgiveness and relationship healing begins when you let go of your need to change the past. That’s a very empowering definition that can help clients stop analyzing the past and seek solutions going forward. 

Breaking work chains and removing relationship stains is important to a client’s overall well-being … and they are also solid foundations for dealing with retirement pains.  

I recently had a client jokingly paint a very different picture of retirement pain than I had expected when he said that “no pain, no gain” was more applicable to bathroom breaks than his work-outs of prior years. While I couldn’t help but laugh, the truth is the pains of retirement often come as a result of change, making it important for client’s to not only be able to manage it, but also conform to it in order to stay connected and relevant.

We live in a constantly deteriorating world where relationships, thoughts and feelings, as well as mental and physical skills and capabilities, can stagnate.  Unfortunately, if retirement planning doesn’t include specific strategies for learning new things, sharpening or acquiring new skills, or managing life more effectively through technology, clients can lose touch, become bitter, and even resentful toward others and new norms.

Not every retiree needs to be on Facebook and Twitter, or know how to Skype on their smartphone. But the way people communicate and interact today … the way that people break work chains and remove relationship stains … is changing. I will assure you that clients/retirees who aren’t on Facebook get invited to fewer social events, and have a lot more catching up to do when they see family and friends. Lagging behind the communications curve can become a relationship burden both for younger busy people on the go, and those reluctant to learn the new technology who can end up feeling abandoned and isolated because they are reluctant to learn the new technologies. 

Fortunately, managing change, staying relevant, and sharpening skills isn’t just Internet or wireless based. For new or soon-to-be retirees, transferring their skills and knowledge to future generations by writing a book or teaching a class can be great ways to stay sharp and plugged in. Both can keep the mind buzzing while providing something with which to identify, as well as helped them feel good about their contribution. 

In my opinion, one of the best things advisors can do for clients (and themselves) is to lead the way by transferring their own skills and knowledge. Be a resource for clients by sending out a video link that teaches them how to set up a Facebook account or how to Skype with their grandchildren … Start going beyond the norm of what advisors typically help clients with, such as estate planning and long-term care insurance and help them build and protect their relationships and capabilities. 

Or take the leap yourself and write a book, or teach a class. It doesn’t have to be about financial planning; make it about a hobby or passion you plan to focus on in your own retirement. Either way, it will be a tool to inspire clients and help them transition to a successful retirement.

Addressing these issues with clients may not be every advisor’s cup of tea but, to me, it’s no different than someone who wants a 10 percent return with no risk. In those cases, what do we do? We take their hand and walk them through how investing works -- using simple ideas and analogies like risk and return go together just like up and down or right and left.  For advisors, adding some perspective or framework that prepares clients for retirement beyond dollars and cents is a new combination of skills that, more and more, are becoming requirements. 

The message is simple, though. If advisors want their clients to have a happy, healthy and connected retirement, they need to take the time to help them become more aware of the chains, stains and pains of retirement.  By helping them break free from work, clear up relationship blemishes, and alleviate the pain associated with a rapidly changing world, advisors will empower clients to make the most of retirement now instead of later. 

P.S.  Let me know if you found this article helpful by leaving a comment or e-mailing me. Also, don’t forget to register for the Naked Retirement Webinar next week, June 25 from 2-3pm EDT.

Follow Robert Laura on Twitter @robertlaura. He is the president of SYNEGOS Financial group, co-founder of RetirementProject.org, and author of Naked Retirement. He can be reached at [email protected].