Self-Awareness
Families who wish to manage their family dynamics will frequently look to one or two problem situations and address these directly—a conflict between “Cousin Jim and Uncle Harold,” for example, or “poor communication between Dad and Aunt Jane.”
While these matters certainly need to be addressed, it is not sufficient in the long term to focus on the matters only as they come up. If there is to be real change, family members must be encouraged to look inward, reflect critically on their own behavior, identify the ways they often inadvertently contribute to a family’s challenges, and then change how they act.
Self-awareness should lead to a shared understanding of and responsibility for repeated patterns. (“We have a history of painful relationships that have not been addressed.”) It should also lead to changes from individuals. (“I can do a better job of listening to others.”)
Family Vision
After they commit to self-awareness and honest self-appraisal, the family should come together to discuss and develop a vision about how their relationships could be more productive and satisfying. Such discussions should include such ideas as, “We will communicate openly and welcome diverse viewpoints.” Eventually, the vision needs to be communicated to the entire family, understood by them, revised and accepted.
A broad, transformative family vision can evolve over time and may be best realized if it is documented in written form in a family constitution or charter. It is then incumbent upon family leaders to lead the family toward the agreed upon vision. This might require bringing in third parties to assist in developing tactics or programs that will provide corrective learning experiences. Family leaders need not be experts in these matters, but they do need to accept and implement a transformative vision.
Safe Communication Culture and Regular Family Meetings
Regular family meetings that focus on understanding diverse perspectives in a safe communication culture are essential elements in managing problem dynamics. This does not mean that family members should be encouraged indiscriminately to “get things off their chest.” It does mean that the family will benefit from structured opportunities for collaboration in sharing, understanding and problem solving. Listening well and nondefensively is critical for creating an environment in which people can reflect upon how they contribute to family challenges and develop corrective solutions.
Commitment to Fair Processes
Usually, decisions that need to be made by the entire family can be accepted by most people if the decision-making process is viewed as fair. That means giving a voice to everybody in the process, providing clarity and transparency in the decision criteria and adapting the decision to actual circumstances.
Team Learning
By working collectively to address family relationship patterns that affect the family office, family members not only develop solutions to specific matters but they also learn how to learn together.
All of the steps discussed thus far contribute to the development of a platform that will be fundamental to the other topic areas that need to be addressed by family: financial education, ownership responsibility, leadership succession, etc.
Feedback and Enhancement Options
Successful families—and family offices—continuously change by adapting to current circumstances and by preparing for future transitions. They allow regular feedback to make the platform better. This can be as simple as encouraging family leaders to ask, “How am I doing?” or as sophisticated as creating surveys that tap family concerns. Since families can be closed systems, external advisors who understand dynamics should be an essential part of the platform. These advisors can help families identify the dynamics they are less aware of (a fish in the water doesn’t know it’s in the water until it’s out of the water) and can provide new information that allows external comparisons.
Conclusion
Although family dynamics are frequent stumbling blocks for families and their family offices, family members and family office executives do not need to be experts in order to manage these matters well. Rather, what is required is a basic understanding of how the dynamics are rooted in the office, a commitment to developing a family platform that enables continuous learning and enhancement, and selected external advisors who can help develop tactics for family needs.