3. Watch out for the two different traps of silence and anger. When people feel unsafe with you or think their goals are at risk, they often retreat from dialogue into silence-avoiding or withdrawing from a conversation. Alternatively, if they are very frustrated, they could become abusive-controlling, labeling or verbally attacking you. When you see signs of either one, know that the client is simply feeling unsafe.

4. Maintain safety. When you decide to speak up about a problem a client is facing, it may be misinterpreted as an attack. So show respect for the client. Make sure he or she knows you're both on the same side. Set the stage for bringing up a sensitive issue by reminding the client that your role is to help him or her succeed.

5. Start with facts, then share your story. When addressing a client's financial problems, don't start with your conclusions. Instead of saying, "You aren't going to be able to retire at age 65," cite facts and keep it constructive. Say to the client, "To retire at age 65 you're going to need to increase your savings by $1,000 a month. Can you do that?" Begin with facts that establish common ground. After the facts are agreed upon, share what they mean to you-then tell the story. And remember that your story is just a best guess about what the facts mean.

6. The goal is honest dialogue, not winning. Don't sugarcoat or back away from controversial subjects, but also avoid resorting to attacks. The goal is to share all of your information as directly as possible while creating conditions that encourage your client to be equally direct with you. These skills aren't about winning or being right. They're about getting the best information on the table where it can lead to high-quality decisions.

The Survey
The survey asked advisors three questions about ten problem scenarios they and their clients are likely to face in coming months:
1. Your client has lost substantial savings, lost his job or is threatened with losing it-and you need to talk to him about changing some of his plans for the future. For example, the client had planned to buy a boat or a vacation home or pay for a child's education, but his recent losses put these plans out of reach.

2. Your client has lost substantial savings, lost her job or is threatened with job loss-and you need to talk to her about reducing her current expenses. For example, she may need to downsize her house, sell other assets or even move in with a relative.

3. Your client has lost substantial savings, lost her job or is threatened with job loss-and she needs to reallocate the portfolio of savings that remain.

4. Your client has reached an age when he should invest more conservatively, but he doesn't want to. Perhaps he doesn't want to admit that he is aging or is perhaps desperate to recoup losses he's suffered.

5. Your client isn't saving enough. For example, he's in a house that's too expensive, has too many cars or is simply spending at too high a rate.

6. Your client is getting into (or is already into) too much credit card debt. He needs to make serious and immediate lifestyle changes.