It’s time to check on your progress. You intend to build a clientele within the local HNW community. You have joined the right organizations as a first step to joining their circle. You are attending events and seeing familiar faces. You have been working the crowd and made some acquaintances. Some clients are already in this circle and provided introductions. You are making friends.

You have plenty working in your favor: You dress well. You know how to listen. You identify shared interests, utilizing them as the rationale to get to know them better.

There are factors working against you too. Other financial advisors have traveled this road before. They would fit the description “advisors behaving badly.” As a consequence, the audience is welcoming to you, while harboring the suspicion your interest is superficial and you are only trawling for new business. That’s OK at the chamber. It’s expected in networking groups. It’s frowned upon at the museum and actively discouraged at the country club.

You want these people as friends and do not want to scare them away. Let us look at 14 actions that will put you on the naughty step.

1. No eye contact. You are at the cocktail hour before dinner at an event. You are chatting with strangers. You avoid making eye contact. You might be sincere, but it comes across as shifty or dishonest.
Instead: Try making eye contact, but do not stare. If holding eye contact is difficult, look at their nose instead.

2. Looking over their shoulder. You are chatting with someone you just met. You are also looking over their shoulder. Subconsciously, you are looking to see if someone more important is also in the room. They are aware of what you are doing.
Instead: When you talk with someone, allow enough time for a conversation that might last awhile. Play a game with yourself: “This person could be the most interesting person in the room, if I can get them talking about their passion. What is their keenest interest?”

3. Constantly talking about yourself. This is also called being self-involved. You might want to impress the other person, make the case for why you belong in their world. You want them to know why they will benefit from knowing you. That comes later.
Instead: People like talking about themselves. Remember: The person who is talking is the one having a good time. It’s also known as being a good listener. Be impressed.

4. Cozying up. This means wrapping your arm around their shoulder or standing too close. It makes people feel awkward.
Instead: Standing closer than 18 inches apart sets off alarm bells. You’ve heard the expression, “getting in their face.” Research shows 18 inches to four feet is considered personal space. This is probably based on the situation. Meeting someone on the street is different from meeting them at an event.

5. Leading with business. You have met people who confuse social occasions with networking events. Your paths cross. He asks, “What do you do?” You answer briefly. You ask the same question. “He mentions his profession and keeps on talking…and talking. You look for ways to tactfully get away.
Instead: Briefly answer when asked: “What do you do?” Everyone should know the basics already. When you ask what they do, take a sincere interest. Ask questions. Get them talking. People like talking about themselves.

6. Overpromising and underdelivering. This concerns serving on committees and boards. It is easy to commit yourself to complete certain tasks. If you don’t, you rationalize “What’s the big deal? They can’t fire me.” Now you fit into the “He talks a good game” category.
Instead: Be very selective in the commitments you accept. If you want to be a gatekeeper, meeting plenty of people, helping the organization with membership and fundraising puts you in the right position. If you don’t feel it’s a good fit or you cannot commit the time to do a good job, politely say no.

7. Not following up. There are many instances where you tell someone you will (a) call tomorrow, (b) send something, (c) get you that information, (d) meet up with you on Saturday morning. If you don’t follow through in your personal life, they will assume you do not follow through in your business life.
Instead: When you commit to do something, stop what you are doing, pull out your phone and send yourself a message. Taking an immediate note in a pad works too. People will notice.

8. Only attending free events. Some people join an organization where the common theme is supporting the project or mission. They have regular meetings along with fundraisers. The galas cost money. You do not attend anything where you need to reach into your pocket.
Instead: Being a fully active member costs money. That is part of the cost of admission. When you join an organization, budget those costs in ahead of time.

9. The professional guest. You have penetrated beyond the outer ring of those local HNW circles. Now you are invited to parties at people’s homes. This means your December can be pretty active. You accept all invitations but do not invite them to a party you are hosting.
Instead: If you take without giving, you will be dropped from guest lists. Plan an indoor holiday party in December or an outdoor BBQ in the summer. Invite your circle of new friends.

10. Not paying your fair share. Your friends go out to dinner more than they entertain at home. You are invited to join them for dinner. Towards the end of the meal, someone says, “I’ll get this one.” You sit silently and smile. This also applies when you go out for drinks and different people take turns buying rounds.
Instead: Pull out your credit card early to pay your fair share of the dinner. If they pay for the entire meal, insist on leaving the tip. If neither of these offers is accepted, make a note the next dinner out is on you.

11. Bad personal habits. These don’t require too much detail. Neglecting your appearance. Touching your face. Not wearing polished shoes. Swearing fits in too.
Instead: Model your behavior as if you were going on a first date and are hoping for a second date.

12. Drinking too much. When you attend events, there is often an open bar. Great events tend to serve top shelf liquor. If you bought your own ticket, you are tempted to “get your money’s worth.” Within HNW circles (and others), drinking too much can imply a lack of judgment.
Instead: At events with an open bar, alternate water and wine. Enjoy a glass of wine. Your next round is a water, consumed at the same slow speed. Then another glass of wine. Bear in mind you will be driving home.

13. Poor table manners. No one is going to give you a hard time if you confuse the salad and dinner fork. They probably do it themselves. They will notice if you wolf down your food, talk with your mouth full or start eating before the last person at the table has been served.
Instead: Watch the behavior of others at the table. Follow their lead. Slow down. If there is lots of cutlery in the place setting, the general rule is work from the outside inwards.

14. Being indiscreet. Have you seen any episodes of Feud: Capote and the Swans on HULU and FX? If so, you know what indiscreet means. Broadly speaking, it is sharing unkind details about others when they are not present. Listeners will assume you will talk about them too.
Instead: Confidentiality is a requited trait for financial advisors. You do not discuss personal details about clients ar admit they are clients, even though it might be common knowledge in your social circle. You will be admired for your discretion.

The wealthy have a code of conduct for socializing. You need to both learn the rules and avoid making mistakes.

Bryce Sanders is president of Perceptive Business Solutions Inc. He provides HNW client acquisition training for the financial services industry. His book Captivating the Wealthy Investor is available on Amazon.