Compassion
The “C” in “PLACE,” stands for “compassion,” though it could stand for other things as well, such as “connection” or “commitment.” Or “care.”
Compassion means taking a step beyond empathy—rather than just understanding what a client is experiencing, we also want to help them. We accepted clients’ differences in our previous step, but that doesn’t mean we should sit by when they do something that goes against their own values and self-interest. Compassion ensures that we use our skills to guide them to decisions that serve them. It means helping clients see things in ways that work for them.
Clients want different things from their retirement spending, for example. Some might have an interest in leaving a legacy. Others want to see the effects of their gifts sooner (leaving less for later). Some want to see images of what they have invested compared with what they have spent. And still others want to understand what happens if they spend more sooner. The conversations and materials need to be directed to what the client can best absorb; many don’t relate to numbers, so communicating with them using math may leave them feeling insecure or foolish.
The other compassionate thing I’ve learned over the years is to reach out to others experiencing hardships. I reached out immediately to a friend of mine when his son committed suicide. My friend couldn’t talk, but when we connected later, he said he appreciated the call, even though he was not ready to have a conversation. We often come up with reasons we shouldn’t reach out when someone is experiencing difficulties, but people will always remember who was there for them. Give them the right to say no.
I have also learned not to ask people for what they need—they usually don’t know. So you give them what you think they need. When we don’t reach out, it is usually because we are making things about ourselves rather than them. We don’t know what to say, so we choose to say nothing.
Evolution
The last step in relating means evolving.
After being married for 37 years, raising two children, and having hundreds of people come and go (and come and stay) in my organization, my beliefs have shifted. I can’t be prisoner to my biases. When I’ve seen people make unexpected strides in how they do their work, I can’t be focused on their worst mistakes. If I am, I’m not allowing them to evolve. Meanwhile, my wife and I have probably experienced six or seven different marriages during the time we’ve been together—when we were trying to grow our businesses, when we had kids, when we were taking care of parents, and when we became empty nesters. And the marriage continues to shape-shift today. Evolving never ends.
Not everyone may choose to relate in the ways I describe. It is important that you are authentic in how you interact. But I believe that these approaches will help as you develop your own version of relating to others.
Ross Levin is the chief executive officer and founder of Accredited Investors Wealth Management in Edina, Minn.