Getting Ahead

The next thought for helping us to clear our minds is to relax about where we are in life. So maybe we don’t have the best-in-class car or truck or house yet. It doesn’t mean we can’t do it someday when the money is there. And even if the money never comes to buy that dream car or dream house, that can’t keep us from living fulfilling lives. Life is about trade-offs. For example, maybe I don’t buy the brand new luxury vehicle. Instead, I use the money to take my family on really cool vacations. Or maybe I decide not to upgrade my house payment because I don’t want to feel stressed in my work. It’s been said that true happiness is wanting what you have.

My conviction is that “contentment” in whatever circumstance we find ourselves in is a highly underrated path to abundant living. Life does not consist of the abundance of things but of the abundance of enjoying where we are and who we are with. A friend who is approaching retirement said to me recently, “I’ve had an epiphany lately about what makes life great—you simply cannot have enough friends.” It made me stop and think about how often I’ve walked past opportunities for building friendships in the interest of “getting stuff done.” My goal in life these days is to amass wealth in the context of a “return on life” instead of allowing numbers to define “how I am doing.” “Return on life” is measured by how relaxed and fulfilled we are in the circumstances we find ourselves in.

“Wealth––any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one wife’s sister’s husband.”
—H. L. Mencken

Sometimes we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves about where we should be in the whole scheme of things at a certain point or a certain age. But these expectations only haunt us if we allow them space. We can begin by clearing our heads of any thoughts standing in the way of finding contentment today (such as the comparisons we make with others). There is a lot to enjoy right now––right where we are at, doing what we’re doing.

Too often, people treat their lives, careers and pursuit of success as if it were some sort of beauty contest that could only be won by virtue of comparison. What does it matter how well I’m doing compared with other authors? Does it really matter to one surgeon how well he or she is doing compared with other surgeons? Do teachers need to be compared with other teachers, or should they simply be focused on reaching those in their sphere of influence in the best way they know how? In the financial services industry, advisors are constantly measured against other “producers” (a term I loathe) and indexes (a ridiculous exercise) that do more harm than good. For quite some time, I’ve been mulling over an alternative to comparing clients’ portfolios with the S&P or any other index and establishing a more personal, self-determined benchmark, one I would like to call “Pi” (for “Personal Index.”) Just as Pi is used to calculate the area of a circle, my version would measure what is needed to support the sphere we live within. The point is to stop living comparatively and to start living contentedly.

The last path for getting a clear head is making sure you are not acting out someone else’s expectations for your progress or your perceived view of someone else’s expectations. This life is not a dress rehearsal, nor is it an audition. This is the real deal you are acting out, so you would best ensure that you write your own script and act out your own story––not someone else’s vision for your life.

Life is like a movie that plays out one scene at a time. One scene leads to another. Conflicts arise and conflicts are resolved. Each of us would do well to make sure the scenes we play out are those of our own choosing or the result of choices made of our own volition.

The script for your movie is up to you to write. Any expectations placed upon you by others should be left on the cutting-room floor. Live as well as you wish––within your means. By doing so, you make sure your time belongs to you. Be content with what you have right now. If you can’t enjoy it now, you won’t enjoy something better later. Live out your own script, and the odds are that the movie will end the way you want it to. That’s not “getting ahead.” That is being ahead.

Mitch Anthony is the author of The New Retirementality (Wiley), now in its fourth edition.