While some partners will maintain their own assets and advisors-particularly in a second marriage-Maton doesn't encourage that. She asks her clients to come up with a joint financial plan and blend their new lives.
"We find it helps the new marriage off to a much better start," she says, though she encourages those entering second marriages to have a prenuptial agreement. And each partner in the marriage should hire his or her own lawyer to hammer it out.
One couple was so aware of the impending melding of their finances that they postponed their wedding until one partner was able to pay off debts-which, like their assets, were in excess of $1 million. "They put it off because the one didn't want to take on the other's debts," Maton says.
While it may have seemed cold, Maton applauds couples with foresight. Most are too starry-eyed to discuss the mundane things like who will pay the mortgage or the taxes or the groceries, or whose house they will live in until they're well into the relationship.
"We tell them it's better to have those discussions in our office rather than at home, where there is no one to referee or offer perspective," she says.
When using an advisor one partner had before the marriage, couples must be wary of the advisor wanting to protect the original client's interests over that of the new partner. There's not always a unity of purposes, says Marlene Eskind Moses, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
"When there's wealth involved, and you're combining wealth, it's important to protect the wealth that belongs to each party," Eskind Moses says. "Obviously, you want to have the mutual benefits of combining that wealth. But you also have to be mindful if the marriage doesn't work, what the result will be."
People get married and the first thing they do is transfer their assets into their spouse's name, and that's not necessarily a good idea. Those transfers are good for estate tax planning purposes, but they're horrible for divorce cases, she says.
"The discussion becomes, should we plan for what's good for us now, or should we plan for what's good for us if the marriage doesn't work?" Eskind Moses says. "What is the couple trying to attain?"
A couple needs an advisor that is going to help guide them through that process, whichever goal they choose. But both parties need to feel they can trust the advisor that's chosen, especially if that advisor has had a long relationship with one party in the marriage.
"I frankly think it's good for everyone to have their own advisor, and the two can work together," Eskind Moses says. "I know it's more costly, but then you know your individual rights are protected."
Many couples on second marriages opt to manage their assets separately and thus retain separate advisors. Robert Riedl, director of wealth management for Sumnicht and Associates in Appleton, Wis., would know. He currently has several women in their 60s and 70s who have come to him seeking financial management, and he's never even met their husbands.