Paradoxically, too much information can contribute to our becoming less aware, especially if that information is narrow and biased. This is problematic in today’s world, as our options for data, news and commentary expand exponentially, while our viewpoints become increasingly segmented and subjective.
As a result, people tend to seek out and value perspectives that are consistent with their own self-interest, self-image and worldview. Without open-minded discourse and discovery, this self-selection adds to the long list of cultural and political issues that divide us. We take sides, and those sides become more and more polarized and politicized. This is the antithesis of elevated awareness, understanding and growth.
Many so-called problems only arise in the first place because we’re stuck in our perception of the world, and that limited awareness defines our reality. Therefore, a key to opening our heads and our hearts is to question our reality. Upon scrutiny, it quickly becomes clear that we perceive the world through a long list of filters that betray our backgrounds, our experience and our emotional needs, wants and fears.
Having achieved 68 years on this planet, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I disagree with someone about something, I’ve got a 50% chance of being right. After all, they too have a brain. Plus, because they have a different biological and cultural makeup from me as well as a lifetime of different experiences, I probably have a lot to gain by sincerely listening. This attitude is markedly different from my earlier days of waiting patiently for someone to finish so that I could explain to them why they were wrong (apparently, that was how I defined listening back then).
But it doesn’t have to be about right and wrong. In improv comedy, there’s a concept called “Yes, and … ” By acknowledging what the other person has to offer, and then adding to it, we validate their contribution and elevate both the dialogue and the relationship. “Yes, and …” is generally much more productive than “No” or “Yes, but … ” One approach furthers the research as well as the relationship, while the other stops and stymies collaboration.
Nor is this limited to interacting with others. We open up a whole new world of opportunity when our internal dialogue becomes one of wonder. Plus, our anxiety abates when we become less rigid and defensive. Curiosity is the key to expanding and improving our world. When we decide to turn frustration into fascination, everything gets better.
Joseph Deitch is the founder and chairman of Commonwealth Financial Network, and the author of Elevate: An Essential Guide to Life. This article is an excerpt from the book.