Small talk was dying out long before the pandemic. The explosive growth of social media got people hooked into messaging online. You remember the scene in The Intern (2015) when Robert DiNero comes across a guy in a coffee shop texting to a girl sitting at a nearby table instead of walking over, introducing himself and starting a conversation. The holidays are here. Family and other gatherings are starting to look more practical in the months ahead. Do you know how to get a face-to-face conversation going? Here’s a refresher.
1. Where do you live? It’s a standard icebreaker question. Even better is “Where’s home?” You might volunteer where you live first, because offering information to get to learn something relaxes the situation.
You learn: Lots. You know property prices in different neighborhoods. You might learn if they are new to the area or have lived here forever.
2. What do you do? It’s the second standard icebreaker question. They will likely return the compliment by asking you the same question. You take a keen interest in their job.
You learn: You don’t need the Bureau of Labor Statistics metro area salary survey to know what different professions pay in your market. They may have just prequalified themselves!
3. Connection to the organization (event). This is good if it’s a charity gala or other nonprofit community event. Everyone has a reason for attending.
You learn: They might be on the board. They might be a major donor. Their firm could be an event sponsor. They might not have that connection. Their spouse might.
4. How they know the host. This is ideal for events at a private home. If it was a wedding they might be from the bride’s side or the groom’s side. Lots of wedding receptions have been delayed a year.
You learn: How well they know the person who invited you. What’s the connection? Are they a neighbor? Co-worker? A relative? Everyone has a connection to the host.
5. Offer a compliment. It’s difficult to be offended when someone admires your watch, purse or earrings. They often smile and open up.
You learn: It might be a passion. They collect watches. They might travel and bought it on vacation. It might be an inherited family piece of jewelry.
6. Travel. The pandemic has built up a backlog of travel plans, similar to the way 300+ ships are backed up behind the Ever Given container ship that was stuck in the Suez Canal.
You learn: Travel is often a passion. Where are they going? You might have been there. You might want to learn more because you want to go someday. They might prefer cruising over air travel.
7. Gardening. Gardening is one of the most popular outdoor activities in the United States. This became even more popular during the pandemic when people were stuck at home. People took on outdoor projects. I’ve hard about some landscapers having their best year ever in 2020.
You learn: If they have outdoor space. How much? How big is their project? It speaks to disposable income.
8. Food on offer. Commenting on the food at an even is a standard bit of conversation. You might even ask for advice “What should I try?” This conversation can continue. You liked something, they liked something.
You learn: The type of food they like, which can lead to talking about restaurants. You might learn what they don’t eat or if they have deeply held feeling about certain foods.
9. House prices. You might be in an area where property prices are booming. People might be shocked, but they are secretly thrilled if they own their own place.
You learn: Clues about the type of house they own and the size of their property should follow. Maybe even an invitation.
10. Children. People love talking about their children.
You learn: Their names and ages. Where they attend school. Your children might go to the same school and be in the same grade.
All these conversation starters give the other person the opportunity to talk. You can identify interests in common, leading to your rationale for wanting to stay in touch. Your goal is to be likeable. People do business with people they like.
Bryce Sanders is president of Perceptive Business Solutions Inc. He provides HNW client acquisition training for the financial services industry. His book, Captivating the Wealthy Investor can be found on Amazon.