You Know Who? You Did What?
I remember receiving an inquiry from a major insurance company about my services. The person making the inquiry told me that his committee was gathering information on possible programs. Rather than just supplying the requested information, I inquired about the other members on the committee. The inquirer mentioned the name of an individual whom I recognized from my hometown in Iowa. I asked if this gentleman happened to be from Iowa. The person making the inquiry replied, “Yes, he is,” and mentioned the town in which he had grown up. This was the very same person I both had attended kindergarten and graduated with! We had a good laugh; but more importantly, we made a small, but important, connection. Connections like these are missed every day in our conversations because we forget to ask background questions.
Many times I’ve taken workshop participants through a “Six Degrees” exercise where I give them three of the 10 questions below and just a few minutes to talk. Questions for breaking down the degrees of separation are:
Geography and Culture
1. Where are you from?
2. Where did your parents grow up?
3. What kind of work did your parents do?
4. Where are your family members now?
Vocation and Career Track
5. Where did you go to school?
6. What did you study in college?
7. What was your first job?
8. How did you get from there to here?
Hobbies and Interests
9. What do you like to do in your spare time?
10. Have you traveled much?
11. Where do you like to go?
After observing this exercise many times, I am always amazed by the participants’ intriguing discoveries of common ground.
For example, two people were surprised to discover that they both shared the hobby of raising albino mice. Two others discovered that both of their parents had run catering businesses when they were growing up. Two others learned that they had gone to the same college, belonged to the same fraternity, and shared some of the same professors. Two others were amazed to find out that both had missionary grandparents who had been forced to flee the same country.
Others discovered less profound but still interesting connections: They had the same first car in high school, grew up idolizing the same hero, or shared the same favorite childhood movie, book, or TV show.
Some found that they had encountered the same change in careers. Others learned that they knew some of the same people or shared common experiences that had shaped their lives. It’s amazing to witness the odd and interesting connections that people make upon seemingly casual inquiry. Two in the exercise found out during casual discourse that both had been born cross-eyed, gone through eye operations, and had grown up with wandering eyes. Profound? No. Interesting and memorable? Absolutely. Remember, it’s always refreshing to find another person who can relate to any part or facet of our lives.
I have discovered that the genuinely curious work hard at asking and finding question paths to explore connections with people. Reducing degrees of separation comes down to having an interest in all kinds of people and by digging quickly and efficiently into their background. Start implementing these questions into your discovery process and see how quickly your connectivity begins to grow.
Mitch Anthony is the creator of Life-Centered Planning, the author of 12 books for advisors, and the co-founder of ROLadvisor.com and LifeCentered Planners.com.