At the heart of the problem, is that in anticipation of retirement, people tend to focus on the positive aspects of it and how wonderful it will be. As a result, they don’t address the potential losses that may come with it, leaving themselves susceptible to feeling disoriented, out-of-sorts and even depressed.
This can cause a mental tug of war where the clients oscillate back and forth between feeling good about their new life, but still yearn or miss their old one.
What I found refreshing in the literature about grief is the opportunity for advisors to help clients deal with it by addressing some common myths and sharing helpful resources. In particular, many people were taught that in order to move on in the grieving process, they need to completely separate from it. But that’s not the case. It can be healthy to maintain bonds that keep a person, situation or dream alive. That can come in the form of photos, writing about it or coaching others who are going through something similar. In a sense, this helps honor the loss and propels them forward.
By taking the time to try and make sense of the loss of a career, role or situation, clients have the opportunity to re-evaluate their priorities and discover who they are now. It definitely takes time and everyone grieves differently, so what becomes important is acknowledging the grief and offering support and tools to help them manage it.
Over the years, one of the most useful tools I have found in helping people deal with various aspects of grief is the short story below. This is not my story, I didn’t write it, but did make a few tweaks to it. For advisors, I have one warning about it. Do not copy and paste it onto your letterhead and hand it out like lollipops at the doctor’s office. It’s not about you, or your branding, it’s about the client. So, if you plan to use it, do it with a personal note that helps them honor their situation.
One of the realities of retirement is that at some point we will all grieve. It's a natural process we all go through, however, no matter what the loss is, it isn't easy to explain or manage.
Life without that special person, place or role can be challenging and filled with waves of feelings and emotions. At first it can feel like you have been shipwrecked, drowning, with wreckage all around you.
Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the grandeur of the ship that was, but is no more. During this time, all that you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while.
Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float, adrift in your thoughts, feelings and actions.
In the beginning, the waves can feel as if they are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come just seconds apart and don't give you any time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, the waves will remain 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. They still crash over you and can leave you feeling wiped out, but in between, you can breathe and begin to function more. You never know what's going to trigger a wave. It might be a date, a song, a picture or a memorable fragrance. It can be just about anything, but in between waves, there is life.