During the class, I used all four at different times and in different doses. For example, after Gary was done sharing, I said, “Thanks for sharing, Gary. I appreciate your honesty about your retirement and am glad you’re here. You’re not alone in the way retirement is playing out for you, and you’re in the right place to explore some new thoughts and ideas about retirement.”
With Bill and Anne, I responded to their retirement confession by stating, “There is nothing wrong with wanting to relax on the couch after decades of trudging off to work every day. Sometimes you just need a class or group like this to get you out and about and interacting with other people like you.”
Sue’s comments gave me a launching pad to provide some new context with which to think about and live in retirement. This part is important because many clients are brainwashed to believe that retirement is the best time of life and that everything during it will be fun, engaging and enlightening. But it’s not and when people understand this, it’s much easier to shift their focus from barely surviving to thriving.
I said, “Sue, your comments about striking a life balance in retirement is spot on. In fact, it highlights one of traditional retirement planning’s greatest flaws: the idea that when people retire, they have 20-30 years to do whatever they want whenever they want. But that’s not how it works. Retirement can change rapidly which makes it important for people to understand that a successful retirement isn’t one without any problems, it’s one in which you learn to deal with and overcome them. And that’s exactly what we are going to do here together.”
Integrating the idea that a successful retirement is one that will include problems, quickly chips away at the guilt, shame or anxiety many people have because their retirement isn’t unfolding like some fairy tale. A quick review of my responses does the same and highlights the useful application of soft skills training.
Thanking people for sharing and letting them know you’re glad they are there may seem trivial but think of it as a quick pat on the back or a simple way to make them feel part of the group. Many people feel alone or isolated in retirement, so using terms like “we” and “together” fosters a sense of belonging.
Letting people know that they are not the first ones to struggle with some aspect of retirement, helps validate what they are feeling and lets them know it’s okay to talk about the issue. It can also provide a bit of optimism that others have overcome a similar situation. This is a great place to insert a war story that confirms that an advisor knows how they are feeling and really has helped others overcome it.