To be sure, these cultural norms constrain all members of the corporate community. However, they are an acute burden for Black Americans who have long been the targets of systemic racism. Naturally, the image of a Black person being harmed, or any person for that matter, evokes real pain. Or so it should. A principal function of the heart is to internalize and process these emotions.
But sometimes, I can’t feel my pain.
People often reflexively prefer to avoid pain. However, in an imperfect world, the ability to feel pain is essential for our maturity and personal well-being.
This allows us to empathize with others and maintain healthy relationships. Yet as a Black executive, I have been conditioned to restrain my emotions and suppress my pain. Practically speaking, this has been necessary for me to survive and thrive in corporate America. And while pragmatism is generally considered a desirable quality in corporate cultures, it is a fallacy to assume that our emotions don’t matter. How should I feel and what emotions can I express when I encounter racial discrimination? I can’t be sad because it might signal that I am weak and unable to deal with the normal stresses of the job. Or, it might suggest that I somehow am not mentally tough enough. I can’t be surprised because the occurrences are far too frequent, too proximate, too real to actually be surprising. Bad things happen right? I can’t be fearful even when there are genuine concerns. Fear and its close cousins, anxiety and skepticism, are debilitating when navigating corporate culture. Most of all, I can’t be angry. Any demonstrative expression of anger evokes long-held biases associated with the stereotypical angry Black person.
And this is why it is hard, at times, to feel my pain.
There is, however, an inflection in my story. An empathetic question from a fellow executive — a white executive — has triggered further introspection. In part due to the gentle reminder that people from all walks of life are sharing this pain.
So, without reservation I affirm that all lives matter.
Asian lives matter, Latino lives matter, white lives matter… and yes… Black lives matter. And this is an important statement and an important moment because, as a nation, we must process the pain caused by racism and address the impact to those most deeply affected. And to avoid any doubt: all means blue lives matter and red lives matter. Gay lives matter and straight lives matter. Jewish, Muslim, Hindu and Christian lives matter. I could go on, but the point is simple. All means all! However, “all” is both inclusive and specific. It extends to every group and every individual that is part of the human community. And if my explicit acknowledgement affirms the personhood and well-being of another, I will not hesitate to say it privately, publicly or personally.
Therefore, I say again for intentional effect that Black lives matter because this is an affirmation that must be made in both words and deeds to ensure all lives truly matter. To affirm that my life matters.