You would think this wouldn’t be a problem. As an advisor, I was a Type A personality surrounded by lots of other Type A’s in the office. We crave praise. So why do we feel so awkward when it’s given to us? Lets look at ways to accept a compliment and ways to give them. It can lead to business.

What Not To Do
There’s a temptation to laugh it off or make a joke of it. I made the cardinal mistake myself. There was a group of friends (and some clients) off on a holiday weekend in Vermont. One fellow, who was also a client, complimented me about something. I think it was work related because I said: “That’s why you pay me the big bucks!”

Words are like toothpaste. Once out, you can’t easily put it back into the tube. There was a period of silence. If he wasn’t wondering if his fees were too high before, then he was now.

I’ll never make that mistake again. Neither should you.

How To Accept A Compliment
Your client (or friend) is making an effort to recognize you. Here are a few ways to respond.
1. Thank you for taking my advice.  You recommended investments to your client. They did well. Your client is pleased. In this response, you share the credit with your client. You might have suggested the stocks, but they needed to give you the authorization to proceed.
2. It was a team effort. You’ve probably used this one before. You aren’t a one person shop. You have an assistant, or part of one. Perhaps you are a member of an advisor team. Share the credit. If you solved a paperwork problem for a client, list the people and areas in the firm that were involved. The client is now impressed you got all these resources to work together on their behalf.
3. It took a lot of work. You are confirming it wasn’t easy. Clients pay through fees. You want them to know there were others involved.
4. Talk about the swan. You’ve heard this one before. “Our operation is like a swan, peacefully gliding on the water. But below the surface, there’s furious paddling.
5. Amazing the amount of work it takes to make something look effortless. Think of Olympic athletes. When you see them perform, they look so graceful. You assume they were born with this unique talent. There were years of practice behind getting ready for that short performance in competition. Your equivalent is knowing how to solve a client’s problem literally off the top of your head. It was years of experience that taught you those solutions.
6. Exchanging compliments. You’ve done this in social situations! Someone says “I love your hair” and you reply “It looks like you’ve been working out.” The reception of the compliment is giving one in return.
7. Talk about the item. Someone admires your watch or a broach. You tell the backstory. It was a family piece I inherited from my grandparents…
8. It’s a favorite. You’ve heard on TV when someone says: “What a great dress!”  The other person says, “Oh, this old thing.” If someone admires an item like your tie, explain it’s a favorite.  You wear it to galas, etc.

How To Give A Compliment
People love praise. It can be a great icebreaker. There’s a saying in the nonprofit world, “You can never than a person enough.”
1. Admire something. Now the situation is reversed. It’s you who is highlighting an item and saying wow! Jewelry or clothing is a good choice. Body parts are not. The overall logic is: “Who could be offended by a compliment?”
2. You are looking great. Generally speaking, people put lots of work into their appearance. You might spend lots of time at the gym. You certainly know people who do.  Without going into specifics, compliment them on the overall package.
3. The compliment as a thank you. You have the chance to meet a captain of industry, the person whose firm sponsored the museum exhibition. Walk up to them and thank them. Tell them how much people in the room are enjoying the show. Although the museum staff does a good job thanking them, it’s rare for the general public to actually thank the donor. You should stand out.
4. Compliment a corporate accomplishment. You want to meet someone important. They are across the room. Their company just posted record earnings. Walk over and congratulate them. They know it’s a big achievement. They worked hard to make that happen. They are happy the achievement was noticed.

Compliments can be a great way of engaging with people. They can be a wonderful icebreaker.

Bryce Sanders is president of Perceptive Business Solutions Inc. He provides HNW client acquisition training for the financial services industry. His book, “Captivating the Wealthy Investor” is available on Amazon.