Transition No. 3: Living and Lifestyle
Many couples experience retirement in three stages—a peppy first stage enjoyed by both partners, a second stage when one of the two is ill or impaired, and a third lived by a surviving spouse. Very few folks stay in the same place through all three stages—and seldom at the level they had hoped to enjoy (there’s no going to the golf course). Don’t assume there is room at the inn. One of the great surprises to many adult children is the lack of openings in good assisted living centers. My mother-in-law needed hers before the building was finished. My father bought just in time to have a bed when his pancreatic cancer was diagnosed. So where will they live—and next, and next?
Transition No. 4: Transportation
The best for last. Even the most prepared professionals admit that the car is a bloody battleground when you’re doing age-related planning and one of the most difficult things to do is confiscate the car keys. When a person’s independence is slipping away, the car represents his or her freedom, the same way it does to a 16-year-old with a new license. This is a dangerous and increasingly tragic situation when an older person’s skills are deteriorating. That 4,000-plus pound machine can be a lethal weapon. Doctors are supposed to confiscate the licenses of anyone they deem unfit to drive. And most don’t. Some states have real screens for competency, but most don’t. Actually, that word, “incompetence,” says it all, right? Who wants to hear that? One of my dear friends passed away in December battling Parkinson’s and ovarian cancer. Her mantra: “I will drive till I die.” Hmmm.
I will dig into each of these four transitions in the next few columns. The challenge of each are rooted in a person’s “ability”—and your ability to plan for the loss of something a client is doing now. Older people fear their loss of independence far more than death. Being dependent on other people just to get through your day is demoralizing, then frightening. The psychological impact of aging is one of loss—you gradually lose the ability to do things you like to do as well as people you know. Unless you engage in new activities and find new friends, aging is a slowly declining one-way street. Preparation can make a world of difference.
Steve Gresham chairs the advisory board for Cogniscient Inc., the parent of Whealthcare Planning. He is also former head of the private client group at Fidelity Investments and author of The New Advisor for Life. See more at www.thegreshamco.com