Mom finally reported Dad to DMV herself. When he fell asleep during the interview with the DMV, the state rescinded his license. He still tried to drive. He even snuck out of the house when Mom went to take a shower. We eventually convinced Dad to “loan” the car to my nephew for the summer and the car never came back.
When it came time for the two letters to remove him as trustee, the first letter that arrived wasn’t from the physician. It was signed by a social worker. It stated that Dad was under the doctor’s care and that Dad shouldn’t manage his finances but it was not an attestation from the doctor. Heck the social worker didn’t even say the doctor said he was incompetent. It read as though that were her opinion. Cleaning that up took extra time.
With respect to his physical care, Dad wanted to stay at home as long as possible and Mom wanted him home too. The care plan was that as he declined, and we would increase the level of care accordingly. We had our sights on where he would go when it was too much for Mom. We knew what to do but assessing when to do it was difficult, even excruciating at times.
There was a period during which Dad was not so bad off that he needed to go into assisted living, but he was bad enough that part time home health wasn’t cutting it either. Home health got him bathed, groomed, fed and medicated, gave Mom some respite and help around the house, but he would be up all night. She would awaken every morning to some kind of mess. She worried constantly and didn’t sleep well.
Three things got us through our experience. We had the documents we needed, my sisters and I were willing and able to help out, and Mom had others that could physically help or provide emotional support.
My recommendation to any financial planner who has clients with a dementia/Alzheimer’s diagnosis is to talk with the caregivers in the household about these issues and help them connect with support services in their area. They are going to need them no matter how good the financial and estate planning may be.
Dan Moisand, CFP, has been featured as one of America’s top independent financial advisors by Financial Planning, Financial Advisor, Investment Advisor, Investment News, Journal of Financial Planning, Accounting Today, Research, Wealth Manager, and Worth magazines. He practices in Melbourne, Fla. You can reach him at www.moisandfitzgerald.com.