Another example where vague assumptions can play havoc on client’s retirement is with real estate decisions. Initially, buying a new lake home a few hours away may sound charming and peaceful. Their dreams of coffee on the deck, family weekends on the boat and short walks to downtown are finally coming true. However, after a soccer and baseball season for the grandkids, they realize they’re spending more time in the car than at the house.
Role Ambivalence
There are several internal struggles that can take place during both a client’s decision to retire, and once they actually get there. Advisors can think of role ambivalence as a tug-of-war that takes place with a client’s thoughts and feelings—leaving them unsure of what to do or how they fit in.
This concept can be examined in the context of a buyout offer where factors such as a herd mentality and peer pressure can muddle up the decision to take it or not. I realize the topic of peer pressure is usually reserved for middle school and high school students, but it’s also alive and well in retirement.
When a client is a certain age, their spouse or friends are all retired, and people at work are wondering why they’re still there, clients can become ambivalent about the situation. A part of them feels like they should retire (and maybe even deserve to), yet they like what they do and don’t necessarily want to walk off into the sunset yet. They can rationalize the benefits of both with no clear-cut winner.
Another place role ambivalence can show up is at home with couples. Whether both spouses worked, or one stayed home, retirement can disrupt long standing roles, beliefs about those roles, as well as daily routines. Regrettably, many couples haven’t been instructed to discuss how household chores may need to change or how a family need for caregiving may change the way things have been done for the last 30 years.
It’s not uncommon for some retirees to think that they deserve to do nothing after decades of hard work and that everything should remain the same. Others may feel they can do a better job of grocery shopping or paying the bills, or that a wall chart should be used to track duties and daily spending. Since there is no right answer, and attempts to help out only seem to make things worse, a retiree can become confused with where they fit in at home and create friction instead of peace of mind.
Talent And Skill Reversal
We live in a strength-based world, where the things we do well are supposed to add value to our lives and those around us. However, retirement has a way of turning concepts like this on their head. With talent or skill reversal, one or more of the primary functions or strengths that a client possessed while working, turns into a void or weakness and causes stress, fear or anxiety in their everyday lives.
For example, the former chief financial officer who kept the company books and spending under tight controls can’t stick to a budget and withdrawals too much in his/her first few years in retirement, or the mechanic who can’t diagnose and fix a medical condition that makes him feel run-down all the time. The list goes on to include charismatic and outgoing sales people who struggle to connect with friends or develop a consistent social calendar, or the engineer who could organize people and plans for an office building or community park, and has decided to put those skills to work at home by reorganizing the spice rack and recommending a more efficient route to the grocery store. Both of which infuriates their spouse who has been doing things a certain way for their entire married life.