Surviving spouses often experience identity crises. Yesterday we were married and today we need to make important decisions independently. That distinction may sound like just a box that needs checking on a form, but it is not. It requires a quantum shift in thinking—after years of making decisions with or by someone, we must now become confident in our abilities to make decisions alone.
What Can Financial Planners Do?
Advisors can be helpful in several regards when dealing with a recently widowed client.
For one thing, we should build extra time into the first appointment. Just spend a lot of time chatting, answering questions, gently probing about her thoughts on the future.
Also, have a box tissues on your desk. Acknowledge how difficult the meeting is.
Know that you may need several short appointments going forward—a woman may experience extreme stress, and planners need to be cognizant of the fact that she might need to review material they have already presented to her several times.
Most important, you should go slowly and repeat the information in a non-infantilizing, non-patronizing manner. Remember, she lost her spouse. She didn’t have a stroke.
Barbara Shapiro is the President of HMS Financial Group in Dedham, Mass. She is also co-author of He Said: She Said: A Practical Guide to Finance and Money During Divorce.