It’s sometimes scary to watch people grab at anything to justify their thinking and negativity. It highlights their inability to differentiate between what one can and cannot control … and it’s usually a symptom of being closed-minded, irrelevant and unconnected.

Negative thought patterns like these can push other people away and strain relationships. In other words, they just keep pulling and pulling on those strings in search of that elusive end, unaware of the damage they are creating in the process. 

All of us have moments of worry and thoughts that stray but most recognize them for what they are and quickly “cut the thread” by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones or with ideas from others around us. I often bring up this topic with clients by cautioning them to “be careful of straying thoughts” and share the guy on the country road story mentioned above. Oftentimes, they’ll laugh and say, “That’s me … I’ve been up since four o’clock this morning just thinking about things.” This technique helps them become more cognizant of the dangerous patterns they may be creating and to seek out others when they can’t break the patterns themselves.

Faith

When it comes to client conversations, religion falls into the same taboo category as politics. Many advisors assume it’s best to leave that thread dangling. However, bringing it up within the proper context can be rewarding. For example, I use the old saying, “There are no atheists in foxholes” as a way of alluding to the fact that there will be trials and tribulations throughout retirement. 

Retirement isn’t all rose petals and pixie dust. There will be periods of stress, worry and fear that may require more strength, faith and understanding than any amount of savings or dividend payments can provide. 

Being tested in retirement can be likened to the process that silversmiths use when purifying silver. After placing the metal in a pot, they use extreme heat to force impurities to the surface, where they are scooped out. The process is repeated over and over until the silver is pure. When they can look down and see their reflection, they claim the silver is pure and “tested.” 

Be it a divorce, loss of a loved one, a troubling medical diagnosis, depression or simply an unexpected event, rest assured “impurities” will show up in retirement, and clients need to have the tools and support to not only scoop them out, but also be satisfied with the person they see reflected back in the process. To put the need for faith during difficult times into context, it can be said that all spiritual warriors have broken hearts … alas, must have broken hearts … because it is only through the breaking down that we can feel the need and benefits of getting through it to help others. 

I have said time and time again that a successful retirement isn’t one without problems. It’s one in which clients have learned to overcome them. Therefore, just as we suggest clients have a good attorney and CPA, so too should they have good resources in place before they are tested. 

I’m not suggesting advisors head off to seminary school, or ask clerics to refer prospective clients from their congregation, or try to convert clients to their own beliefs. I do suggest, though, that it’s better to go into a storm with the right crew and proper gear than it is to scramble once you’re in the thick of it. Clients need to know that retirement comes with foxholes and that they may be able to avoid some of the associated pain, and find compassion and understanding, by firming up their spiritual thinking now instead of later.