One of our clients is a car nut. For him, buying and driving a great car is an experience. But our other clients see cars as status symbols. If we can understand the clients’ motives, we are better able to direct them to decisions that will help them want what they have.
Understanding the social part of their lives is relatively easy; understanding the spiritual part is more difficult. To me it means clients would see past their own interests and serve others. This doesn’t necessarily mean they have to develop a philanthropy strategy so much as it means they should understand their values and how these are represented by their behavior. We use “Motivational Values Cards” from the philanthropic advisory firm 21/64 (www.2164.net) to help clients understand the values that are most and least important to them. Using this exercise, we can help our clients develop a personal values statement, and after that a personal philanthropic or mission statement. But values are relational—they help us develop either a deepening relationship with others or with ourselves.
One of the things that I noticed in myself is that I felt sensitive about being taken advantage of. After reading a New York Times opinion piece by the pope, I developed an understanding of how little that attitude served me. The pope was writing about panhandlers and said, “Give without worry. If a glass of wine is the only happiness [the panhandler] has in life, that’s OK.” I realized that I was often looking away from these people or constructing stories about how they were part of a syndicate or that they could find work if they really wanted to. But those stories were about me and my concern about being taken advantage of.
The pope also believes that you shouldn’t just give but look the person in the eye and touch his or her hands. I started asking people their names, shaking their hands and introducing myself. This simple act has changed my life. Not only did it help me not worry about being taken advantage of, it has addressed some of the challenges that I had about money as power and better helped me see everyone as human in our world of shared humanity. Surprisingly, this also made me less nervous about interacting with those I perceived as having more than I do. By inadvertently looking down at others, I must have unconsciously felt that others could be looking down at me.
It’s been years since I last saw When Harry Met Sally, and my takeaways from the movie are far different than they were at the time. I never would have guessed how much help Meg Ryan would be for my financial planning.
Ross Levin, CFP, is the founder and chief executive officer of Accredited Investors in Edina, Minn.