During certain phases of Alzheimer’s, my dad didn’t think he was allowed to talk anymore. His filter has gone away since then, but for awhile, he was petrified of saying something wrong, repeating himself or being pitied. But that wasn’t all on him. Some of that came from others rushing him, correcting him when it wasn’t necessary or letting their frustration show on their face.
A client with dementia who is sitting in your office maybe hasn’t spoken much all week. And if a companion is present, that person may be overly protective, speaking for the client. This is why many financial articles will tell you to look out for clients suddenly being quiet in meetings.
Remove the tension by letting your clients know your office is a safe place to speak. Starting with small talk might be just what they need to feel comfortable, and for you to build trust and a positive relationship. Reassure them that what is said today doesn’t have to be written in stone, and that you are there to help them feel confident that they are doing the best that they can.
3. Have a sense of humor.
Besides wanting to openly talk about his disease, my dad has also made it clear that a sense of humor can go a long way. And, I need it for my own survival as well.
When my parents were filing for Social Security, I offered to attend a meeting with them. During our meeting, it seemed that my mom had forgotten to bring one thing after another. Over the course of the hour-long meeting, we had to call their CPA and their bank, and log on to several websites. Well, given we were using my laptop, all of the websites wanted my parents to authenticate themselves. Suddenly, I was sitting there with two people who were having to remember the first car that they owned, the first family pet, their favorite color and—yes—who was their first kiss. I won’t name which parent was having trouble remembering, but it is every child’s nightmare to have to continually type the names of people their parents have kissed onto a computer screen! It made for a very humorous meeting, which had the Social Security representative laughing as well.
Having a sense of humor reminds clients and caregivers that in that moment, they’re doing their best, and that’s enough. If you have stories of your own, share those when you feel it’s appropriate and when they would help your clients feel less alone.
My parents have a long, hard road ahead of them, but I don’t want them to miss the good parts, too. I know I can only help so much, but I will do as much as I can. As an advisor, there are values you bring to your clients’ lives that won’t take the disease away, but they can certainly help your clients and caregivers make the most of each day and their future. In fact, the peace of mind a financial advisor provides can sometimes be one of the greatest resources during a challenging time.
Lindsay Landin, CFP, CFDA, is the director of external sales support at Hornor, Townsend & Kent LLC (HTK), bringing more than 15 years of experience both as a financial advisor and in business development to help HTK advisors grow their practices and build relationships with clients.