In the market pricing relationship, we negotiate, we rigorously pursue our own best interest, we take advantage of mispriced items, we seek competing offers and we look for lower prices. Even though financial advisors follow this model in a way, offering counsel in exchange for compensation, it’s not really the relationship we want to have. Consider community sharing instead—the way we treat our friends. In that model, we are reciprocal, kind, caring, empathetic and willing to help.
Here is where I am going with this. Fiske and Schubert argue that even kids understand these concepts very intuitively, and we all decide what our relationships are about by observing these cues and signals. If there are dollar signs and prices around, it must be that we’re in a market pricing relationship. If there are hugs and smiles, it must be communal. The efficient nature of online calls tends to over-communicate the pricing signals (we’re sharing the screens with the performance charts) and under-communicate the equality and community signals—emotions, postures, mirroring, etc.
Even if our client engagements are inherently commercial, we can still be effective and helpful and economically valuable if the interactions are framed as communities and not as Turkish bazaars.
Economists don’t like to deal with emotions because they don’t lend themselves to calculus and you can’t analyze them statistically very well, which is why Michael Porter does not include “relationships” in his five forces that shape a market. Porter talks about the ease of entry and exit, the ease of substitution, the power of buyers and suppliers. But he never mentions the other thing that’s important in markets—the fact that many people do business simply because they do have these relationships.
This is particularly true for professional services. We want to work with people who understand us, who relate to us (and whom we relate to) and who, because of this understanding, can deliver better experiences and better results. Note that even if the result is essentially the same, the experience is not, which is why I drive 30 minutes to get to the same hairdresser I’ve had for the last 15 years and get a buzz cut for $100 when I could get it around the corner for $25. I love the conversation and catching up, and the person cutting my hair also goes to my boxing gym. All the market forces Porter lists suggest I should be going the other way, but as Sheldon Cooper from the The Big Bang Theory says: “They have my hair records.”
Harvard professor David Maister, whom I find myself quoting in every article, understands that well. He argues in the book The Trusted Advisor that the trust placed in you is a function of your credibility (your knowledge and reputation), your reliability (past experiences) plus intimacy (emotions) divided by how much you are focused on yourself (if you are self-oriented, it detracts from your trustworthiness). In my mind, we can convey credibility and reliability online, but not so much intimacy.
Maister says some client engagements are based on need. Take, for example, a gas station. You need gas, they have it. Then there are service engagements. Your clients need an answer or a tax return. You can provide it. Finally, there are relationship engagements where the exchange of information and trust results in something beyond services and needs being met. It’s when the advisor delivers insights and new ideas. Maister uses “advisor” as a generic term for anything from a tax advisor to a financial advisor to a legal advisor to a consultant.
His point is that while the businesses of meeting needs and offering service engagements are easily commoditized, relationship engagements endure and actually deepen.
So back to online meetings. This is not to suggest that online interactions cannot build trust or community. Talk to your kids and they will tell you with passion about their gaming clan and their online friends. Even I am not ashamed to admit that I have spent hours on a site called ChessNinja (OK—make fun of me—I deserve it) and I would tell you that I have friends there (and one archnemesis). Relationships are not only possible online but common.
Still, when we cry, we mostly want to hold someone’s real hand. When we laugh, we like to laugh with others. When we worry, misery likes company.
If you have a good professional relationship with someone, you should eventually build enough trust that you can discuss the things you laugh and cry about. If we never enter that realm, the things we offer are replicable elsewhere. If we choose efficiency, we will paint ourselves into that corner.
Fiske and Schubert say the ancient Sumerians invented writing as a way to do business remotely (and to collect taxes). A lot of innovation has gone into facilitating trade between people who don’t shake hands. Yet advice is a special business and perhaps abides by special rules. So I look forward to client meetings (not the airports and hotels). Not all the time, not every time. But there are times when it is really important to be there, and if we miss those times we might eventually miss the clients.
Philip Palaveev is the CEO of the Ensemble Practice LLC. He’s an industry consultant, author of the books G2: Building the Next Generation and The Ensemble Practice and the lead faculty member for the G2 Institute.