Obviously, one preventive measure is to narrow the gap. This involves getting the less engaged spouse to be more active in the conversations about the areas of the family’s finances with which they are less familiar.
This should not be a crash course in personal finance. To start, the less-involved spouse needs only to engage in the high-level strategic discussions. If the more-involved spouse brings up earnings reports, slow him down. There is no need for that. Nor is there a need for anyone to watch business news.
They do need to be able to describe who they want their money to provide for and when. From there, a good financial planner can help them learn what they need to learn and take on tasks that can be delegated.
I have found this is not terribly difficult to accomplish if approached one small step at a time, accompanied by a healthy amount of encouragement, and taken at whatever pace the couple desires. It works best if time is spent up front talking about the ultimate end goal which should be to assure whoever is widowed is set up to succeed.
Sure. Now and then, the less-involved spouse wants to be really involved and will take on the quest for knowledge with great zeal. They want the crash course. But, that is unusual.
In fact, I’ve seen far more cases in which there is little or no desire from either spouse to close the gap. After all, the division of labor has worked just fine for many years. The involved spouse is used to being involved, the uninvolved spouse is used to delegating to the HCFO and if they are happy, who are we to say they should change?
Well, we are financial planners and if we don’t get them to truly consider preparing for a common change that can be thrust upon them, we are failing them.
When they aren’t prepared, and the less-involved spouse suddenly must handle decisions and things they are not equipped to handle, they are more apt to make bad choices or get ripped off. The involved spouse that is so often proud of their ability to handle their affairs ends up leaving behind a surviving spouse that is sadder, more confused, vulnerable, and often financially unsecure. In some cases, decades of a good marriage become tainted and the survivor goes forward harboring anger not fondness.
When they are prepared, widowhood is still brutal but worries about money are reduced. I have heard many widows over the years say they are so glad their deceased husbands thought enough to have their affairs in order.
The presence of a competent, ethical financial planner can be the difference between leaving a legacy of thoughtfulness and love or one of stress and anger. Talk to your clients about who will be doing what when the usual way can’t work anymore. Help your clients be remembered in positive ways.