Demographics may play as pivotal a role in the gap between the rich and middle class as taxes or other factors. Cathy McBreen, a managing director at the Spectrem Group, reports that the average middle-class millionaire tracked by her firm (a person with assets between $1 million and $5 million) is 63 years old. It is hardly a coincidence that income inequality is widening at precisely the moment that a large proportion of Americans are reaching their early 60s, typically most people's peak earning years.

Another reason for client discontent is that the volatility in the markets has mirrored the volatility in many millionaires' lives. As they have had to deal with two 50%-plus bear markets in a single decade, clients are no different from any other economic agents in an increasingly dynamic, fast-moving world that waits for no one. When a top corporate executive loses his job and waits a year to find another one paying 30% less, or when a small business owner sees her company suffer a 40% decline in revenues, as might have happened in 2009, it is bound to make them more cautious, Prince says.

Across the nation, the wide variances in the income of the top 0.05% in different states means wild swings in revenues. If Facebook successfully completes its IPO this spring, the state of California will enjoy a one-time bonanza as people become millionaires and billionaires overnight. At the same time, states like New York, New Jersey and Connecticut currently are wrestling with spending reductions as they confront the contraction in the securities and investment banking industries.

Despite a recovery that is almost three years old, consumers' aversion to financial commitments extends to all ranks of the income and wealth ladders.

Homeownership has declined from 69% to 66%, as more people opt to rent. Car leasing is approaching an all-time high, with an assist from low interest rates. As for the ultimate commitments, even marriage and birth rates have been declining in the last few years.

For financial advisors, this reluctance to spend remains obvious. Clients are "evaluating the number of trips they take, the kind of trips they take, and they may hold on to cars longer," says Ross Levin, president of Accredited Investors in Edina, Minn. His firm's clients typically have between $3 million and $20 million, and there isn't as much of a disparity in attitude as one might think.

Even at higher levels of wealth, spending doesn't generate the psychic effect it once did. "It has let up a little bit, but clients are more conscious of what they spend," says John LaPenn, the CEO of Boston-based Federal Street Advisors, whose average client has $50 million. Reducing their outlays "gives them a sense of control," he explains. "You can't control the capital markets."

Clients may have grown resigned to portfolio volatility, but other, more pressing issues are causing anxiety. Both Levin and LaPenn report they have many clients with children graduating from top universities and law schools who can't land a job.

All the focus on wealth and income may be disguising a far more serious gap emerging in American society that centers on culture. This is the theme of Charles Murray's provocatively titled new book, Coming Apart: The State Of White America, 1960-2010.

In 1960, the bank CEO, the local mailman and the truck driver shared a common culture in that they probably all watched Bob Hope and Lawrence Welk. After all, they had little choice. CEOs and postal workers may have inhabited different worlds, but they were adjacent enough to occasionally cross paths. Most people who were successful worked long and hard, gradually accumulating their wealth. Because their businesses created jobs in their communities and products and services people could use, achievement earned them respect.