So, he says, if it makes planners feel any better, most therapists are even worse when it comes to dealing with money than planners are in dealing with psychological or emotional issues. "The [therapeutic] profession itself has a lot of projections onto money that are not good; the profession itself has a poverty mentality. Their professional money script is, 'Money is evil; money is unimportant; everything it touches is corrupt."
But if that's the lowdown on therapists, what about planners? Do they refer difficult clients to therapists? The answer is no, of course. "I've found planners think of themselves as the quarterback and they never make a pass to the therapist because they don't understand what they do. They have erroneous projections. They've never been to one, and the biggest reason is they view it as a negative referral. Telling your client they're really screwed up and they're abnormal" is not good for business, Kahler laughs.
Yet hardly a week goes by, he says, when he doesn't hear another planner talk of firing an out-of-control client. "They don't want to be there when the train goes off the tracks." Firing a client may be the best way of dealing with him or her, but he says there are other tools in the tool box. One is to train yourself to be a better listener. But when you have someone-like a Charlie Sheen-then it's time to bring in a bigger set of skills. Thus, the therapist.
And if planners think there's more liability in having a therapist on referral, it's simply not true-there's more liability issues in a portfolio, Kahler says. "I think that's an excuse to hide behind fear in this area of the unknown. Therapists are sued a lot less than planners. It's a scary area for planners, just like therapy is scary for a lot of people."
So Kahler brings his staff therapist into an early session with each new client. "I call him my financial coach and I tell the client they may never see him again. But if we get stuck, we'll call in Dave whenever we need him." Kahler believes it's important not to send the client off to a therapist, but to be in the room with both. "If I'm in the room, I can bring up clarification and objectivity [around money issues] that moves the process exponentially faster." Kahler says he is "continually amazed" at the issues that show up in financial planning, everything up to and including sexual abuse.
This kind of talk may make planners very uncomfortable, but Kahler, who says he developed the first workshop on this subject in 2003 and has done more than any planner in the nation on these issues, says clients almost never object. "There has to be trust and willingness, but our clients are really telling us stuff they're not telling their priest, their therapist or their spouses. I've found very little if no resistance to their being in a room with a therapist because they've already exposed their most shameful stuff-and money is the most shameful topic there is."
While Kahler is known for his beliefs in certain circles-his client, singer Wynonna Judd, famously went public about her problems around money-at the same time he says hardly any client ever comes to him for this specifically. "It's widely unknown."
Another high-profile planner who uses an in-house therapist is Chicago-based Cicily Maton, who runs Aequus Wealth Management Resources with her daughter, Michelle. Maton, who manages more than $105 million and is also a fee-only planner, says her early work with women's financial needs and divorce-underlined by her own difficult divorce-opened her eyes to the fact that peoples' decision-making in times of transition is impaired.
"It didn't take me long to realize it wasn't just people going through divorce," Maton explains. "Everyone is affected, regardless of whether they acknowledge it or know it. When we're under stress, we lose the ability to make good decisions."
Of course, this is often when people decide to see a planner: during or after a divorce, loss of a job or a spouse's death, when they're getting married, and so on-just when there's cognitive slippage, she says. Maton works with clients to explain what's happening, and education is a part of that, including asking questions in ways that are not intrusive yet help open them up. "Working with a therapist deepens and enhances that."